Relativistic Smartphones

A theoretical (and wildly impractical) communication device that must account for or exploit relativistic effects. For an astronaut traveling at near-light speed, a normal smartphone would be useless—its internal clock, network pings, and data streams would be hopelessly desynchronized with everyone back home. A true relativistic smartphone would have to continuously calculate its own time dilation and adjust signal processing, or use FTL comms to bypass the issue entirely. Its main feature would be preserving your place in the social media timeline despite skipping years ahead.

Example: "Got the new iPhone with the relativistic chipset. It automatically applies time-dilation corrections to my messages. I can text someone from a fast ship, and it holds the message in a buffer, releasing it to the network at the exact nanosecond so it appears I replied instantly, even if I experienced a month-long journey." Relativistic Smartphones

Relativistic Smartphones by Dumuabzu January 29, 2026

Quantum Smartphones

The mobile device that makes your current phone look like a brick with buttons. It doesn't just have a faster processor; it has a quantum co-processor—a small, cryogenically-cooled chip that offloads specific, universe-bending calculations. This enables real-time, perfect language translation by modeling all possible syntax permutations at once, unbreakable encryption via quantum key distribution, and sensors that use quantum entanglement to detect everything from underground water to your true emotional state. The camera doesn't just take pictures; it can perform quantum state tomography, seeing the polarization of individual photons. The downside? It might render certain answers from a state of probability, meaning your weather app sometimes shows you both sunny and rainy until you actually look outside, collapsing the forecast into reality.

Example: "I asked my quantum smartphone to find the most statistically perfect coffee shop. It put five locations in superposition on my map until I started walking, then collapsed the wave function to reveal the one with the shortest line and the best pastries. It also notified me that the barista's quantum emotional state was 'fluctuating towards grumpy,' so I tipped in advance." Quantum Smartphones

Quantum Smartphones by Dumuabzu January 29, 2026

Smartphone-Zombie 

A person that is constantly focused on his or her smartphone, ignoring the environment and especially other people.

Dude 1: Hey you see that girl over there? She looks good right?
Dude 2: Sure, but I´d stay away from her man, she´s one of those smartphone-zombies.

Smartphone-Zombie by Not a smartphone-zombie July 30, 2012

Smartphone Waterfall 

When one person in a group checks their smartphone and incites a domino effect of everybody else checking their own phones, thus ending all live discussion.

Andy caused a smartphone waterfall when he checked his email, so nobody noticed the 8 foot juggling clown that danced through the room while balancing on a beach ball.

Smartphone Waterfall by WillyPom April 1, 2015

smartphone party 

When a bunch of people get together to party but eventually end up staring at their smartphones.

Alex: Hey, Jamie's throwing a party this Saturday! He's invited us all!
Jerry: Uh, I don't know...I'm afraid it will turn out to be a "smartphone party"...
Alex: He said it is going to be "unplugged" so smartphones are not allowed.
Jerry: Fuck no, Alex!

smartphone party by vaultimor March 21, 2017

Smartphone Shuffle 

The act of walking slowly or "shuffling" because you're too preoccupied with tasks being done on your smartphone such as browsing the internet, texting, etc.

The Smartphone Shuffle can sometimes be dangerous for oneself, such as crossing a roads, not paying attention to surroundings. It can also be a nuisance for other people as distracted Smartphone Shufflers block hallways, stairs or sidewalks and impede flow of pedestrian.

Stop doing the Smartphone Shuffle! You're blocking the sidewalk.

Smartphone Shuffle by Ronnie J January 8, 2011

Smartphone Drone 

People who constantly sulk around with their Phones's in their face 24/7 txting, tweeting, or facebooking their menial lives. Usually bumping into things or other drones or stepping/tripping off curbs without looking. When their battery dies, they put a look on their face like someone just killed their christmas puppy.

Did u hit the button to cross the street?

ughhhhhhhh ummmmmmm yeaaaaaaaa that

Dude, rele, get the F off facebook and look out where ur going

Steps off curb and gets hit by bus.....

Laugh's....One less Smartphone Drone in the world.

Smartphone Drone by TONY70795492 July 26, 2011