Skwisgaar Skwigelf
Lead guitarist of Dethklok from Sweden, the world's tallest guitarist, and the fastest guitarist alive, though he can't read music. He claims this is because he has 'music dyslexia.' He has a strong Swedish accent, putting "s"'s at the end of many words he says. Skwisgaar, not having a father, was raised by his mother Serveta Skwigelf, Miss Sweden of 1956. Skwisgaar's frustration at his mother's sexual promiscuity is expressed through extremely fast guitar fingering. He is seen practicing his guitar almost constantly everywhere he goes. It is a possibility that he is ambidextrous. He seems to dislike the Danish but confuses them with the Dutch. Skwisgaar seems to be the most sexually active member of the band. Skwisgaar also seems to hold little importance on the physical appearance of sexual partners, as he has been seen propositioning an elderly grandmother for sex as well as sleeping with a very obese woman. This is possibly because his mother was extremely sexually promiscuous. He has been in a large number of bands prior to joining Dethklok, including Agnostic Priest, Gangagar Eldeleel-Alele, Gognog Mug Alugdug, Fuckface Academy, Sausage Assassin, Financially Raped, and Smugly Dismissed to name a few. Skwisgaar also refers to things he hates as dildos. His hands are apparently insured for ten billion dollars, one billion for each finger.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf by Nick Sbarbati October 16, 2006
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