From Episode 4 of Red Vs Blue, funniest quote IMO.
Church: Ya, I'll let 'cha in on a little secret. I've ah, I've actually got a girl back home.
Tucker: Oh ya? Girlfriend or wife?
Church: No, man, she's just my girlfriend. You know, we were gonna get married, but I got shipped out, and, ah, you know how it works.
Tucker: Oh, well, are you gonna marry her when you get back?
Caboose: I'm not gonna get married. My dad always said, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
Church: Hey rookie, did you just call my girlfriend a cow?
Tucker: Naw, I think he just called her a slut.
Church: I'll tell you what noob, I could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long, but as it turns out, I've got an a much more important job for you to do.
Caboose: Great...
Church: See, we got this General..
Tucker: Right, the General guy.
Church: Who likes to come by, and make random inspections of bases. So what I'm gonna have you do, is I'm gonna have you go in the base, and stand right next to the flag at attention. Just incase he decides to come by.
Caboose: When is he stopping by?
Tucker: We never know, could be today, could be a week from now.
Caboose: You want me to stand at attention for a week?
Church: You know, you don't sound very grateful. This is the most important job at the whole base. You're gonna be right there with the flag.
Caboose: What's so important about the flag?
Church: Oh come on, don't they teach you guys anything at training?
Caboose: They didn't tell us anything about a flag. Why is it so important?
Church: Because it's the flag. Man you know the it's the flag. Tucker, you tell him why the flag is so important.
Tucker: Well it's-it's complicated. Its blue, we're blue.
Church: It's just important, okay? Trust us. So when the general comes by, the first thing he's gonna want to do is inspect the flag.
Tucker: Right..
Church: So just go in there you know faraway from us and wait for him.
Caboose: How will I know when I see him?
Tucker: There's only three of us out here, rookie, he's the one new guy that doesn't look like one of us.
Church: Now get in there and don't come out. Man, that guy is dumber then you are.
Tucker: You mean, he's dumber than you are.
Church: Wow, Tucker, that was a great comeback
Caboose: Uhh.. Mr. Church sir!
Church: Oh my god. WHAT? Tucker I swear I'm gonna kill him.
Caboose: Sorry a-about calling your girlfriend a slut.
Church: ROOKIE! SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP, YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY GET IN THERE!
Tucker: Hah hah hah ha
Church: Tucker, are you laughing at me?
Donut: Excuse me, sir. Can I ask you a question?
Church: Dear God in Heaven, rookie, if I turn around and you are not inside... I- I can't be held responsible for what I'm gonna do to you.
Donut: What did I do?
Church: One...
Donut: Aw.. give me a break.
Church: Two..
Donut: Fine!
Church: Ya, I'll let 'cha in on a little secret. I've ah, I've actually got a girl back home.
Tucker: Oh ya? Girlfriend or wife?
Church: No, man, she's just my girlfriend. You know, we were gonna get married, but I got shipped out, and, ah, you know how it works.
Tucker: Oh, well, are you gonna marry her when you get back?
Caboose: I'm not gonna get married. My dad always said, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
Church: Hey rookie, did you just call my girlfriend a cow?
Tucker: Naw, I think he just called her a slut.
Church: I'll tell you what noob, I could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long, but as it turns out, I've got an a much more important job for you to do.
Caboose: Great...
Church: See, we got this General..
Tucker: Right, the General guy.
Church: Who likes to come by, and make random inspections of bases. So what I'm gonna have you do, is I'm gonna have you go in the base, and stand right next to the flag at attention. Just incase he decides to come by.
Caboose: When is he stopping by?
Tucker: We never know, could be today, could be a week from now.
Caboose: You want me to stand at attention for a week?
Church: You know, you don't sound very grateful. This is the most important job at the whole base. You're gonna be right there with the flag.
Caboose: What's so important about the flag?
Church: Oh come on, don't they teach you guys anything at training?
Caboose: They didn't tell us anything about a flag. Why is it so important?
Church: Because it's the flag. Man you know the it's the flag. Tucker, you tell him why the flag is so important.
Tucker: Well it's-it's complicated. Its blue, we're blue.
Church: It's just important, okay? Trust us. So when the general comes by, the first thing he's gonna want to do is inspect the flag.
Tucker: Right..
Church: So just go in there you know faraway from us and wait for him.
Caboose: How will I know when I see him?
Tucker: There's only three of us out here, rookie, he's the one new guy that doesn't look like one of us.
Church: Now get in there and don't come out. Man, that guy is dumber then you are.
Tucker: You mean, he's dumber than you are.
Church: Wow, Tucker, that was a great comeback
Caboose: Uhh.. Mr. Church sir!
Church: Oh my god. WHAT? Tucker I swear I'm gonna kill him.
Caboose: Sorry a-about calling your girlfriend a slut.
Church: ROOKIE! SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP, YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY GET IN THERE!
Tucker: Hah hah hah ha
Church: Tucker, are you laughing at me?
Donut: Excuse me, sir. Can I ask you a question?
Church: Dear God in Heaven, rookie, if I turn around and you are not inside... I- I can't be held responsible for what I'm gonna do to you.
Donut: What did I do?
Church: One...
Donut: Aw.. give me a break.
Church: Two..
Donut: Fine!
by Rich dude October 19, 2007
An internet series featuring to teams in the middle of a box canyon fighting a pointless war. There are two sides the red side, consisting of all the little red guys, the guys fighting in the canyon, Sarge, Grif, Simmons, Donut, and for a while, Lopez. On the other side, there is Church, Tucker, Caboose, and Tex
Sarge-Vic! I need an air strike and on the double!
Vic-can do sarge, ill have the air team target the blue forces now. ill just fax you the airstrike requisition forms.
sarge-We can't! i used some of the parts from the fax machine to make Simmons 2.0!
Simmons-(internet noises) Woah...must have been something I ate
Grif-Simmons, why is there paper coming out of your ass?
Vic-can do sarge, ill have the air team target the blue forces now. ill just fax you the airstrike requisition forms.
sarge-We can't! i used some of the parts from the fax machine to make Simmons 2.0!
Simmons-(internet noises) Woah...must have been something I ate
Grif-Simmons, why is there paper coming out of your ass?
by Mustache Man February 27, 2005
An internet series about two sides fighting a pointless battle for a pointless war in the middle of a box canyon. There are the reds, Sarge, Grif, Simmons, and Donut, then there are the blues Church, Tex, Tucker, and Caboose.
O'Mally-Into the abyss! Never to be seen again! unless I want to be seen, in that case, if I see you before you see me...look out.
*skips*
Sheila-he took lopez!
Grif-Where is he
O'Mally-up here you fools!
donut-that guy is wicked fast!
Doc-thanks! I learned it in track in highschool, it was the least competitive sport i could find!
Grif-track sucks!
O'Mally-You suck!
*skips*
Sheila-he took lopez!
Grif-Where is he
O'Mally-up here you fools!
donut-that guy is wicked fast!
Doc-thanks! I learned it in track in highschool, it was the least competitive sport i could find!
Grif-track sucks!
O'Mally-You suck!
by Mustache Man March 3, 2005
Despite sounding unoriginal... The funniest thing on the internet, hands-down. Featuring the greatest character in the history of the world - Private L.L. Church.
Church: (to Caboose's Mental Church) "First of all, you? You're not Caboose's best friend, okay? You don't have a best friend. You know why? You don't need one! You're Church! Knowing other people just waters down the experience. Live the dream buddy!"
by Rufus Shinra November 12, 2004
The Greatest thing scince sliced bread. you can never go wrong by watching episode 1-47 in one sitting. and if you think it is the worst thing ever, i will personaly find you and slit your thoat in your sleep.
Caboose: What’s a freelancer?
Tucker: Freelancers are independent they’re not red or blue. They’ll fight for who ever have the most money.
Caboose: Like a mercenary
Tucker: Right. Or like your mom, when the rent is due.
Caboose: Oh that’s funny.
Tucker: Ya you didn’t think that was to obvious
Caboose: No, no not at all it was good.
Tucker: Freelancers are independent they’re not red or blue. They’ll fight for who ever have the most money.
Caboose: Like a mercenary
Tucker: Right. Or like your mom, when the rent is due.
Caboose: Oh that’s funny.
Tucker: Ya you didn’t think that was to obvious
Caboose: No, no not at all it was good.
by deathstorm A.K.A Sarge January 21, 2005
One of the funniest comedy websites available on the internet. The creators use linked X-boxes along with their Halo games to make a comedy based in the popular "Blood Gulch" map. Definately worth a look.
www.redvsblue.com
www.redvsblue.com
Dude, did you catch the newest Red vs Blue? It's fan-fucking-tastic!
Church:Tex walked up to him, pulled his skull out of his head, and beat him to death with it.
Blue:Wait a second...how do you beat someone to death with their own skull? That doesn't seem physically possible.
Church:That's exactly what Jimmy kept screaming.
Jimmy:THIS DOESN'T *WHAM* SEEM PHYSICALLY *WHAM* POSSIBLE!
Church:Tex walked up to him, pulled his skull out of his head, and beat him to death with it.
Blue:Wait a second...how do you beat someone to death with their own skull? That doesn't seem physically possible.
Church:That's exactly what Jimmy kept screaming.
Jimmy:THIS DOESN'T *WHAM* SEEM PHYSICALLY *WHAM* POSSIBLE!
by bAc0Nb0Y February 15, 2004