An invitation to an event given solely because of the invitee's close proximity to a conversation about said event.
Proximity invitations most often occur due to feelings of guilt and/or pity, but can also happen in an attempt to fix the awkwardness of the situation. They have been given in the hopes that the invitee is not able to attend the event; however, this is never a smart move, as it always has the potential to backfire.
It is very important to stay emotionless in any situation where a proximity invite could be given to an undesirable. If one of the people conversing about the event senses any weakness at all in one or more of the other conversers, he/she should recognize that a proximity invitation could be imminent, and should forcibly remove himself/herself and the other conversers from the situation, offering an excuse to the would-be invitee if necessary. REMEMBER: you may be the bad guy now, but they WILL thank you later.
Some undesirables are brazen enough to actively seek out proximity invitations by purposefully placing themselves close to those conversing about an event. This technique, known throughout the undesirable community as "seek and destroy," has been reported to work on conversers who are of equal or lesser popularity than the undesirable. They will usually be ignored by conversers who are more popular than the undesirable, unless one or more of the conversers has a reputation for being sympathetic or kindhearted.
DO NOT be swayed by the undesirable's strongest weapon: a sarcastic "Thanks for the invite" or anything similar. A good counter to this phrase is an equally sarcastic "You're welcome" or "My pleasure" or anything along those lines.
If the undesirable is so bold as to actually pretend that they have already received an invitation, it is absolutely necessary that they are put in their place. A simple but effective "You're not invited" will suffice, but it is always a good idea to follow this with an insult, so as to show the undesirable that he/she is not wanted. Ex. "You're not invited, assfaggot."
Proximity invitations most often occur due to feelings of guilt and/or pity, but can also happen in an attempt to fix the awkwardness of the situation. They have been given in the hopes that the invitee is not able to attend the event; however, this is never a smart move, as it always has the potential to backfire.
It is very important to stay emotionless in any situation where a proximity invite could be given to an undesirable. If one of the people conversing about the event senses any weakness at all in one or more of the other conversers, he/she should recognize that a proximity invitation could be imminent, and should forcibly remove himself/herself and the other conversers from the situation, offering an excuse to the would-be invitee if necessary. REMEMBER: you may be the bad guy now, but they WILL thank you later.
Some undesirables are brazen enough to actively seek out proximity invitations by purposefully placing themselves close to those conversing about an event. This technique, known throughout the undesirable community as "seek and destroy," has been reported to work on conversers who are of equal or lesser popularity than the undesirable. They will usually be ignored by conversers who are more popular than the undesirable, unless one or more of the conversers has a reputation for being sympathetic or kindhearted.
DO NOT be swayed by the undesirable's strongest weapon: a sarcastic "Thanks for the invite" or anything similar. A good counter to this phrase is an equally sarcastic "You're welcome" or "My pleasure" or anything along those lines.
If the undesirable is so bold as to actually pretend that they have already received an invitation, it is absolutely necessary that they are put in their place. A simple but effective "You're not invited" will suffice, but it is always a good idea to follow this with an insult, so as to show the undesirable that he/she is not wanted. Ex. "You're not invited, assfaggot."
Jack: Hey, did you hear about the party at my house tonight?
Jill: Yeah, I can't wait!
That Cunthole Steve: ...
Jack: So... Steve... wanna come to my party tonight?
That Cunthole Steve: Sure!
Jack and Jill: Fuck.
---
Jack: Hey, did you hear about the party at my house tonight?
Jill: Yeah, I can't wait!
That Cunthole Steve: ...
Jack: ...You're not getting a proximity invitation, assfaggot.
That Cunthole Steve: I wish I had friends.
Jill: Yeah, I can't wait!
That Cunthole Steve: ...
Jack: So... Steve... wanna come to my party tonight?
That Cunthole Steve: Sure!
Jack and Jill: Fuck.
---
Jack: Hey, did you hear about the party at my house tonight?
Jill: Yeah, I can't wait!
That Cunthole Steve: ...
Jack: ...You're not getting a proximity invitation, assfaggot.
That Cunthole Steve: I wish I had friends.
by Reuben Z. Clitz August 20, 2009
The arrival of a meat sword when in close proximity to others of like-minded interest or infatuation.
All those nerds at Comicon are sporting proximity boners dressed like theyre "to infinity and beyond" instead of getting a job.
by Studly Chucksteak Hungwell October 2, 2015
Constant close quarters lead to intense attraction.
This was first explained by Zelda Gilroy to Dobie Gillis in the 1959-1963 TV series, The Many Loves Of Dobie Gillis, except Zelda called it "Propinquity."
This was first explained by Zelda Gilroy to Dobie Gillis in the 1959-1963 TV series, The Many Loves Of Dobie Gillis, except Zelda called it "Propinquity."
I am experiencing proximity infatuation right now.
Me, thinking about F colleague: She is beautiful. I want to...I want to....(you know what)
F colleague: Says nothing, how is she supposed to know what I am thinking? Is SHE thinking the same thing?
----------------
First, of all, I'm not that sure she IS beautiful, but it doesn't matter any more, I am infatuated. My wife would not approve of any of this and does not need to know. It's not going anywhere, anyway. Sigh.
Me, thinking about F colleague: She is beautiful. I want to...I want to....(you know what)
F colleague: Says nothing, how is she supposed to know what I am thinking? Is SHE thinking the same thing?
----------------
First, of all, I'm not that sure she IS beautiful, but it doesn't matter any more, I am infatuated. My wife would not approve of any of this and does not need to know. It's not going anywhere, anyway. Sigh.
by Straight Shooter April 30, 2008
A proximity boyfriend is someone who you can’t trust further than a 5 metre radius. They aren’t your actual “boyfriend” because he doesn’t use labels..but it feels like you’re in a relationship.
Friend: “Hey is that your boyfriend??”
You: No, we’re not dating
Friend: “So what are you then?”
You: He’s my proximity boyfriend until we make it official (so I’m still single)
Friend: “Just like a proxy girlfriend then!”
You: No, we’re not dating
Friend: “So what are you then?”
You: He’s my proximity boyfriend until we make it official (so I’m still single)
Friend: “Just like a proxy girlfriend then!”
by ratswithcats September 30, 2019
A latent fear of developing close and meaningful relationships. An aversion to situations that could develop into a close or loving friendship. A propensity to sabotage opportunities for falling in love and trusting another.
My friend fell in love with a lady; unfortunately, it was unrequited because she had serious proximity issues.
by landbaby1 November 1, 2013
by WestFrontBakers July 7, 2015
by derek December 10, 2002