could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that even he couldn't eat it? 

a paradox made up by stoners with nothing better to do

stoned guy 1)could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that even he couldn't eat it?
stoned guy 2)WHOOOOAAAAAA!!! i don't know.... what a thinker!!!
stoned guy 1)tell me about it

could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that even he couldn't eat it? by EatMyFukk May 13, 2008

fix it jesus 

when someone is doing something so shameful/extra that you need Jesus to fix it for you because it has become too much. or when something foul has happened and only Jesus can help. made famous by Phaedra Parks from the real housewives of Atlanta.

teacher: "I'm assigning you an essay and a project due the day you come back from winter break"
me: "fix it Jesus

or
person #1: "this guy in my class who I've never talked to before just came up to me and told me my mom was a MILF!
person #2: fix it jesus, that is so strange!

fix it jesus by poopemoji January 13, 2016

Jacking It to Jesus

The higher your hair is, the closer you are to the Lord.

If the Pagent Princess wants to win the crown, she has to make sure her stylist is Jacking It to Jesus during hair and make-up.

Jacking It to Jesus by MrsMissa January 1, 2012

sending it home to jesus 

The killing of any small rodent by inserting it into your anus, therefor sending it home to Jesus.

Joffrey got tired of his wife's hampster, so now he's sending it home to Jesus

sending it home to jesus by jnutt1985 March 27, 2010

it's all jesus 

A phrase denoting that everything is all right or okay. Can be used to replace 'it's cool' or 'sweet' or 'everything is hunky-dory'.

Bob has to suck dick while he's in prison, but so far there's been no anal rape. So, really, it's all Jesus.

it's all jesus by Mike July 31, 2003

Give it to Jesus 

When things in life get out of control, you have to decide what stresses are not worth worrying about.

Dude that's too bad your 401k just tanked on the stock market. But there's nothing you do about it so Give it to Jesus.

Give it to Jesus by PPink February 20, 2009

jesus it up 

VERB;tO put Jesus in weird situations
many are found on google images

Jesus Cow
Jesus the Freshmaker
Bowling with Jesus
Chees 'n' Jesus
jESUS haT
Jesus Not Coming Back Press Conference

jesus it up by the revolution May 5, 2004