I'd have your ass in a casket 

An expression used when someone asks a hateful or hurtful question or does something hateful, drastic, etc.

See also: I will fight you. Right in the face., i will cut you, I WILL BUST YOU, or I will choke you with your own asshole!!!.

Girlfriend: "What would you do if I cheated on you?"
Boyfriend: "I'd have your ass in a casket."

or

Guy #1: "I'm going to fuck your girlfriend."
Guy #2: "I'll have your ass in a casket!"

I'd have your ass in a casket by Lacey Smiley January 13, 2011

I'd have a beer

Something you say before you get into a car wreck

I'd have a beer kaboom car wreck

I'd have a beer by MuckGregor July 23, 2018

I’d have a snap at that Tabby 

A phrase used by a gruff, salty, negging character to say that he/she/they would like to have intimate relations with an attractive person walking by; a “cat-call”, as said to a buddy or chum

Two people (persons A and B) leaning against a building staring at an attractive person walking by
Person A to B : “Oy- I’d have a snap at that Tabby!” proceeds to make barking noise or growls

See: Rude

I’d have a snap at that Tabby by ArrbirdB18 July 25, 2023

i could tell you, but then i'd have to kill you 

a mob-like expression for the phrase "You will die if you hear my secret"

Guy 1: Duuuude, howdja get that Ipod touch?
Guy 2: i could tell you, but then i'd have to kill you
Guy 1: is that a no?
Guy 2: WTF was that supposed to mean?
Guy 1: you tell me,
Guy 2: NO!

i could tell you, but then i'd have to kill you by your best idiot May 23, 2010

If I'd known you were coming, I'd have shaved my beard 

Da "parody on da cake-baking saying" remark dat you smilingly say to a cute chick whom you've unexpectedly met somewhere, and you are savoringly pressing her soft warm palms against yer fuzzy cheeks.

I always love joking around about, "If I'd known you were coming, I'd have shaved my beard" wif pretty girls whom I befriend; said humorous remark always gets da biggest amused giggle-fits outta dem.

If I'd known you were coming, I'd have shaved my beard by QuacksO October 22, 2023

I'd rather have cake

This is sometimes used among the asexual community expressing that some on the ace spectrum would rather have cake over sex. Choosing to have both have cake and eat it too.

Random person: want to do it
The asexual: nah I'd rather have cake.

I'd rather have cake by I like cake🏳️‍🌈👩🏻💜🍰 June 5, 2021

i'd rather have a penis in my pants 

The term you use in an awkward situation

boy: wanna go on a date?
girl: i have AIDS
...
boy i'd rather have a penis in my pants

i'd rather have a penis in my pants by Gangy July 24, 2008