Hands off the merchandise!
A protest/order uttered by one of either gender when someone else (usually of the opposite gender) wants to indulge in a little touchy-feely, but he’s not in the mood.
Weary girl (pushing her guy's "exploring" hand away from her boobs): Hey! Hands off the merchandise! I wanna go to sleep now!
To walk and/or act in an openly casual and self-confident (or self-IMPORTANT!) manner, causing irritation and/or resentment in others from your pert attitude; especially when:
(A) your arrival was unannounced/unexpected, and so those present were not prepared to conveniently receive or assist you, or
(B) you lack or did not bestir yourself to obtain the usually-expected experience, paperwork, preparations, credential-references, etc. for your requests to be reasonably fulfilled. or
(C) you have behaved/performed poorly in the past regarding matters similar to what you presently have in mind, and so your would-be providers are none too confident or eager to fulfill your requests.
Bank loan officer (crossly), "You know, you've got SOME NERVE waltzing in here asking for a loan --- three years ago we loaned you a million dollars to look for oil, and you didn't find a drop!"
Oil prospector (casually): "Could have been worse."
Bank loan officer (raising his eyebrows in annoyance): "And then two years ago we loaned you three million dollars to drill for oil, and you came up with nuthin' but dry holes that time, too!"
Oil prospector (shrugging): "Could have been worse."
Bank loan officer (giving a snort under his breath and beginning to twitch angrily): "And then last year we loaned you TEN million dollars to do more prospecting, and you STILL couldn't find any oil!"
Oil prospector (still as sunny and flippant as ever): "Could have been worse."
Bank loan officer (finally blowing his stack): "Why do you keep saying 'it could have been worse'?! We've lost nearly FIFTEEN MILLION DOLLARS through you!"
Oil prospector (smugly): "Could have been my money."
An acronym used as a “time out” or “let’s change the subject” protest on Instant Messenger. Stands for TOO MUCH INFORMATION, indicating that the speaker feels personally violated by his chat buddy’s latest message, probably because it contains details that are either too personal (i.e.: sexual, medically-private, describing one’s deeply-rooted fantasy, etc.) or are of the type that would likely turn one’s stomach, being revolting, gory, or otherwise overly graphic.
Online guy #1: I felt sick yesterday after a “hot’n’heavy” session with my plump new co-worker, so I had to have my stomach pumped, and the contents examined. There were some residues of lipstick, but at least there were no weevils.
Online guy #2: Uhhhhggggghhh… TMI, dude…
A man’s penis. Usually referred to this way in a tone of sarcastic disgust, when the speaker (usually female) is mildly-to-moderately irritated.
“Attentive” boyfriend: How did you sleep last night, honey?
Exasperated girl: I didn’t sleep a wink --- how could I sleep with your wienerschnitzel poking at me all night?!
Can mean either MODERN DAY GOLDEN RULE or MEDICAL DOCTOR/DENTIST GOLDEN RULE. Illustrates the degraded/depraved state of the human psyche in the self-centered dog-eat-dog world of the 21st Century.
Modern Day Golden Rule:
(1) "Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you"... in other words, CLOBBER EVERYONE AROUND YOU INTO A SHAPELESS PULP SO THAT THEY CAN'T "GET" YOU FIRST! (Never mind that those other hapless mortals may not have had any thought/intention whatsoever of harming you... why take the chance???)
(2) "Do unto others IF they have done unto you"... in other words, never do anything nice or helpful for anyone unless you get PAID to do it, or unless THEY DO SOMETHING FOR YOU IN RETURN. Nunna this "charity/volunteer" or "out of the goodness of your heart" bullcrap!
(3) "Do unto others AS they have done unto you"... in other words, TAKE REVENGE! Whup their sorry butts twice as hard as they hurt you (even if they never intentionally meant to offend), or sue the pants off 'em in court!
Medical Doctor/Dentist Golden Rule: "Do unto other SO THAT THEY ARE FORCED to do unto you"... in other words, INTENTIONALLY CAUSE A HEALTH CRISIS WITH YOUR CLIENTS, so that they will then be compelled to pay you hefty fat fees to "cure" them!! Perform needless/destructive surgery, give them medicine that you know they will react allergically to, pick around on their teeth to create new cavities if none are already present, and so on.
I try very hard to just behave myself, keep a low profile, and not get sick if I can possibly help it --- there are too many human jackals out there who practice the M.D. Golden Rule.
Refers to the ultimate in "benefits" when speaking of a lady's being a "friend with benefits", in that the friendship includes access to the "fringe" between her legs.
My new Internet girlfriend isn't much to look at or even all that interesting company, but at least she comes with fringe benefits.
That rural Canadian province which is home to the majority of the Bigfoot population.
I'm gonna make a trip to Sasquatchewan and see if I have any luck sighting a Bigfoot.
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