Someone's who's electronically challenged, and always relies on the local "computer expert" (you) to help them attach files to e-mails or download hentai. E-tards tend to be over 40 and have not once considered Googling their problem, due to the fact they might hurt themselves if they try.

They only understand your instructions after you simplify them at least three times, and never remember the names of anything related to computers. They only understand what the Start Menu is if you tell the it's "the little green button in the bottom-left corner that says Start". It is physically impossible for them to memorize and recall processes with more than three steps. Trying to help an e-tard do something more complicated than locate a file plays out like an Abbott and Costello routine from hell.

Over 95% of all e-tards use Windows (typically XP or Vista). This is due to the fact that when they bought their first computer, they didn't feel like overspending on something they wouldn't use. It's kind of ironic, since it'd probably easier for them to use a Mac (simpler design, sexy graphics everywhere).

However, the e-tard is not a creature to be hated for their ignorance, but pitied, and even sympathized with. Because, in about 30 years, when cyborgs take over the MindNet and you can't remember how to log off, you are going to be so fucked.
A typical exchange with the most common e-tard: your mother:

Your mom: Honey, how do I log out of your father's account?
You: Start Menu, click Log Off.
Your mom: Where's the Start Menu?
You: Click the Start Button.
Your mom: Where's that?
You: Bottom-left corner. It says start.
Your mom: Okay. Now what?
You: Click Log Off.
Your mom: Where's that?
You: *sigh* Lemme show you.

At this point, you walk over and log off for h-what the fuck? Did your dad really save goat porn to his desktop? Jesus Christ. How did he even find that without your help? And the filename is "goatporn_02". Subtle.
by srs109 April 17, 2011
Top Definition
Someone whose brain is fried from taking too much E.
"Don't roll every weekend or you'll become an e tard"
by raver1981 July 31, 2006 who is still feeling sketchy off the effects of ecstacy.

2.those who are retarded due to excessive use of ecstacy.
1.when i wake up in the morning and feel a crazy afterglow from the rave last night, i feel e-tarded.

2.those e-tards in the corner of a rave that stand around like dumbasses talking about nothing and giving eachother massages.
by pinky June 30, 2004
n. A derogatory name given to people on Ecstasy by those not on the drug. It is due to E users' common desire to run up and hug everyone, or engage in other assorted hypersocial behavior which may seem annoying or intrusive to those who aren't on E
"Damn E-tards, always coming up and feeling my furry coat..."
by callinghome November 01, 2004
a noun used to describe someone who has lost most mental functions, becomes obnoxiously touchy and has problems contolling their body movements due to use of ecstacy
That etard won't stop petting me.
by AG July 10, 2004
Someone who is stupid from overuse of extacy
Or someone who overuses it.
"Beth is totally an E Tard ... "
"You're turning into an E Tard"
by T.ShNooKs August 20, 2006
noun (rhymes with Retard).

Someone who has compromised their cognitive function by using too much "E" or ecstasy (MDMA). Common expressions of being an ETARD are diminished short term and long term memory, merciless bouts of depression, crying jags that last longer than a day, finding enjoyment in watching a blank TV screen; at it's worst, thinking Britney Spears isn't really that bad.
You do NOT want to go out with Bob, he raved so hard in his teens he's an ETARD now.

Crap, dude, stay away from that bitch, she's an etard.

We rolled so hard we wound up etards.
by Steve A Holt December 09, 2006
someone who uses exctacy on a regular basis and still thinks that their brain functions normally.
short for extacy-retard
Check out all the e-tards giving each other massages in the dark dirty corner over there.
Damn, another e-tard party.
by grkdaisy February 09, 2003
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