Is a puke that is self important with one or more tragic character flaws. Usually these pricks pretend to be all about the war but have some piss poor excuse for not going but every reason in the world any other male might go. This type of asshole will listen to and pretend to understand rap. He will be anti-Semitic but not understand what a Jew is from a hole in the ground. He will have a real big time problem with "jack offs" despite being the worst possible kind of jack off. They also have a real problem with fat boys and take the controversial stance of being against "perverts" or "pedophiles" three times an hour. Captain fucks might also be known as one legged scuba divers if they are veterans or pretending to be veterans. Captain fucks are almost always rich boys, yuppies, red necks and/or pussy fucking old farts. A female that might act like this is not called captain fuck. She is just a cunt.
Michael Scott and Dwight Schrute from the TV show The Office are cutesy, watered down, safe for TV captain fucks.
by captain fuck May 11, 2010
Someone who is such a Captain Obvious that you can just smack them in the face and rip their hair out.
Someone who doesn't understand when someone is using sarcasm or when to just shut the fuck up
Someone who doesn't understand when someone is using sarcasm or when to just shut the fuck up
Joe: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Billy Jean: "To get to the other side?"
Joe: "He didn't! He was too chicken!"
Billy Jean: "HAHAHA, that joke was so funny it's killing me!"
CAPTAIN FUCKING OBVIOUS: "Oh shit! She's dying someone get her a doctor!"
Billy Jean: "Hey Captain fucking obvious it was a joke you dumbass motherfucking shithead go suck a dick and choke and die on it."
Billy Jean: "To get to the other side?"
Joe: "He didn't! He was too chicken!"
Billy Jean: "HAHAHA, that joke was so funny it's killing me!"
CAPTAIN FUCKING OBVIOUS: "Oh shit! She's dying someone get her a doctor!"
Billy Jean: "Hey Captain fucking obvious it was a joke you dumbass motherfucking shithead go suck a dick and choke and die on it."
by Estretoseten February 23, 2015
Danson: "Hey Ted, do you have any cardboard boxes?"
Ted (Captain Fuck Yes): "FUCK YES!"
Danson: "Hey, do you want a Mountain Dew?"
Ted (Captain Fuck Yes): "FUCK YES! EXTREME!!!"
Danson: "Have you seen Ted? Captain Fuck Yes kicked down my door the other day, yelled, 'EXTREME' and ran away."
Ted (Captain Fuck Yes): "FUCK YES!"
Danson: "Hey, do you want a Mountain Dew?"
Ted (Captain Fuck Yes): "FUCK YES! EXTREME!!!"
Danson: "Have you seen Ted? Captain Fuck Yes kicked down my door the other day, yelled, 'EXTREME' and ran away."
by Captain Hell No October 4, 2010
A Chicago-area superhero who is powerless save for his unflappable motivation to secure solace and mirth for those he knows.
Damn man, this whole week sucked ass. What's the point in even going on? *SIGH* ...Whoa, wait!! Who's that caped guy with the huge exclamation point on his chest?? He has burritos and smokie-treats.... It's Captain Fuck Yes!!
by oddchatsandmore.blogspot.com June 4, 2009
A senior that has had many sexual adventures with women in his Fj Cruiser. Most people tend to avoid sitting in the back seat do to certain "stains" on the seats. This person does not have sex with just one group of girls but a wide variety. Must have an overall sex count of 51 to qualify. Fat, ugly, or freshmen do not count.
by The Captain06 March 25, 2014
by Thefunkjuice May 22, 2019