A vampire is any person or thought or feeling that stands between you and your creative self expression, but they can assume many seductive forms.

1) The pigmy vampire:
Will swarm around you head like gnats and say things like:
"Your teeth need whitening."
"You went to state school?"
"You sound weird."
"Shakespeare, Sondheim, Sedaris did it before you and better than you."
"You cannot sing good enough to be in a musical."

2) The air freshener vampire:
She might look like you mama, or your old fat-ass, fat aunt Fanny.
She smells something unpleasant in what you’re creating and will urge you to spray it up with some pine fresh smell ’em ups. The air freshener vampire doesn’t want you to write about bad language, blood, or blow jobs.
She wants you to clean it up and clean it out which will leave your work toothless, gutless, and crotchless, but you’ll be left with two tight paragraphs of kittens that your grandma would be so proud of.

3) The vampire of despair:
It’ll wake you up at 4am to say things like:
"Who do you think you’re kidding?"
"You look like a fool."
"No matter how hard you try, you’ll never be good enough."
Sally: My mom won't let me be in Bare just because it curses!

John: Ew, what a vampire!
by Lauren!! July 10, 2008
Vampires are re-animated corpses of people who have transformed into blood lusting creatures of the night. Though many theories and legends surround the story of the beginning vampirism, each culture has tailored to suit each societies location on the globe (very similar and antonymous to the theory of god/s in centered religions in different places). Some say that vampires are demons straight from the breast of the devil himself, sent to wreck havoc on earth, others believe that they are the awakened cadavers of those who died unbaptized. Chiefly they are not supposed to be physically able to venture into the light, lest it burn them to re-death. Their weaknesses are said to be garlic, the sun, holy or blessed things such as crusifixes and holy water, poppy seeds (though this myth died due to the easiness of destroying a vampire by spilling seeds onto the ground behind you, for he would have to obsessively count them until the sun came up), wooden stakes through the heart, decapitation, or being charred to ash with a flame.
Many vampire novels falsely depict vampires as recollective of their humanity, in becoming a vampire, one is set on a path to becoming a monster, once transformed, they permanently loose their soul and are bound to traverse the earth until they are killed a second time and cast into hell. They are renoun for either being breathtakingly beautiful, or horrifically disfigured. Either way they sat on the top of the food chain, practically impossible for animals to kill, and much stronger, faster, and clever than a mortal human.
The Cullen family in Stephenie Meyer's book Twilight was far from any of the original myths about vampires, nearly breaking every characteristic of the creatures. All of them had consciences and thought of others before their own needs, depicting souls which are non-existent once one is a vampire.

Lestat DeLioncourt on the other hand was a very convincing predator in the Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice. He was cunning, quick, indulgent to himself, selfish, beautiful, and cultured (as would an over-one hundred year old being be).
by Mushroom Hat May 07, 2007
Also known as 'vamphyri'. A mythical, undead, immortal, parasitic monster that feeds on the blood of living humans in order to animate itself. This is done via fangs, or the less-used method sucking the blood through the skin's pores. A single bite can transform the victim into a vampire. Vampires are unable to physically procreate as their bodies remain frozen in time from the moment they become 'undead'. Sunlight is a vampire's mortal (and on occasion fatal) enemy, as vampires are "creatures of the night". Vampires can be killed by sudden or prolonged exposure to sunlight, dismemberment, wooden stakes to the heart, and by fire. A stake must be put through the heart of a vampire's dead victim and their head must be severed from the body, or they return as full vampires. Vampires cannot enter a home without being invited in first. They have no reflection in mirrors. They also cannot cross running water (unless it is in their own homeland). Rumored to be weak against garlic, holy water, and crucifixes. Also rumored to have illusionary shapeshifting abilities as well as the power of flight, mind-reading and hypnosis. May or may not sleep upside down or in coffins.
Such vampires in fictional literary works such as that of Briam Stoker, Anne Rice, Laurell K. Hamilton, Brian Lumley, and John Steakly. See also vampires in works such as Van Helsing, and John Carpenter's Vampires.

(Not to be confused with necrophiliacs, humans with blood fetishes, or delusional high schoolers.)
by L/F October 26, 2008
Those who feed on energy.. There's two types: psi (also known as pranic) and blood (also known as sanguine). A person can be both. Sanguine vamps take in energy through blood, they get their blood from donors; who are ready, willing, and have been tested for dieases and such in the blood... psi vamps pull energy out of people and into themselves, through visualation. We are not immortal, we are not dead, garlic does not hurt us anymore than it hurts you, the sun can't kill us; but for some is irritating (extremely for me..), and anybody can be killed with a stake.... duh.
www.slad.net is a very, very good vampyre support site, for vamps, donors, friends and family.
by Kaycee December 25, 2004
The action of having sex with a girl while she is actively on her rag then, subsequently, having her go down on you. The blood dripping from the sides of her mouth after this action will cause her to look quite similar to the famous creature of the night.
"What!? She told me she was on her rag!"
"She was, but I used it as an opportunity to try out the vampire."
by DirtySan December 07, 2009
You know what they are. Drinkers of blood. Human blood. Not animal blood, and then say your 'vegetarian'. Nope, real vampires are allergic to sunlight, and if they do come into contact with it, they do not sparkle...ever. Thus, Edward Cullen is not a vampire, if anything hes the pussy vampire who gets beaten up by all the other vampires for being different.
1: Dude I read this book about vampires..

2:Don't say it. Twilight is not a book about vampires.

1: Nevermind then..
by ALPHABET SOOP May 26, 2009
low creatures can't suppress their instincts & lust .. but maybe people like that darkness & loneliness which vampires live in
Vampires
by Ro@R February 25, 2009
Free Daily Email

Type your email address below to get our free Urban Word of the Day every morning!

Emails are sent from daily@urbandictionary.com. We'll never spam you.

×