Turd place 

A poof way of referring to the arse or butthole. Normally filled with dung, but can also be filled with a French press of coffee at body temperature for the deep cleansing effect before anal sex, or just for the fun of it.

Howard is a real butthole surfer and likes to have his turd place filled with a venti cup of espresso. Yep, that's 20 individual espresso's.

Turd place by YouDon'tKnowWhoIAm? August 11, 2008

between a turd and a wet place 

A more descriptive version of a sticky situation. "Between a rock and a hard place" doesn't really cut it when a situation is not only difficult, but upsetting and/or infuriating.

"I really don't know what to do. My girlfriend thinks I can't commit, and wants me to go meet her mother. If I don't go, she's going to break up with me. But if I do go to the meeting, her mother will likely remember that one night stand I had with her a year ago--and that's really going to be trouble. I'm really between a turd and a wet place here."

between a turd and a wet place by H. Bobs September 4, 2014

last place at a turd eating contest

Beyond mere failure, the absolute pinnacle of loserdom.

Amy didn't just fail, it was more like she got last place at a turd eating contest.

last place at a turd eating contest by Goat Milking Contest Winner. December 12, 2012