Top Definition
An Hispanic senator from Texas who became the Left's new boogeyman in late 2013, since blaming Bush for current problems has since run its course.
"I bet Oblamer will have Jay Carney say that Ted Cruz is the one who put up the Barrycades everywhere, LOL! Maybe instead, Democrats should concentrate on fixing that insanely expensive debacle of a website,"
by psara November 07, 2013
Formerly named Raphael Edward Cruz. Ted is a Republican US Senator from Texas. Born from a Cuban immigrant who fought against Batista and then fled from Castro after being held captive and tortured. Ted graduated Cum Laude from Princeton University in 1992. He went to Harvard Law School where he graduated Magna Cum Laude. Today he stands in the US Senate as a staunch Conservative and aligns himself with the Tea Party movement. He regularly makes Democrats, liberals, and RINO Republicans crap their pants with his brilliance, eloquence, and his adherence to Conservative principles. He has proven that even Latinos can be against illegal immigration. Among his smack-downs are Dianne Feinstein (D-CA), John McCain (R-AZ), Chuck Schumer (D-NY), Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), and Harry Reid (D-NV).
"Hey Senator Ted Cruz just destroyed John McCain's RINO argument on the Senate floor!"

"Ted Cruz said that Joe Biden's idea for self-defense only works against 'a flock of wild geese.' Brilliant!"

"Ted Cruz was apparently too eloquent for Dianne Feinstein to answer his question on gun control. She chose to rant about an imaginary question about her being a 6th grader. lol!"
by NRAdude October 03, 2013
1. a hunt for a small hairy gay lover at specific geographic crossroads at locations meant to hide ones sexual identity from his fellow Christians (ted--from the gay meaning small bear, and cruz from the gay meaning searching for lover and from the Spanish meaning cross
2. a small hairy gay lover with a fetish for being false martyred by being tied to a cross and felated by many men simultaneously
1. The Christian politician on a tedcruz finally felt free to be himself.
2. The man was tedcruzed for hours and had rarely felt such joy
by duhbearz October 19, 2015
1.) A power-hungry dimwit who suffers under the smug delusion that becoming popular with a fringe movement loathed by the vast majority of Americans is going to land him in the Oval Office one day.

2.) Another way of saying the Dunning-Kruger effect. As in, "the Ted Cruz effect", whereby someone who is utterly incompetent is so profoundly detached from reality that they perceive themselves as being vastly more competent than they actually are, precisely because of how incompetent they are.
Ted Cruz: "Hi, I'm Ted Cruz! I'm running for president and I want to do away with Obamacare, the EPA, and basically all progress made over the last 60 years!"

Everyone else: "Wait... weren't you born in Canada?"

Ted Cruz: "Well... we'll let other people sort that out!"

Everyone else: "Uh... No, we won't. You're a Tea Tard dumbass who wants to become president, and you can't legally become president in any case. You will never, ever, sit in the Oval Office."

Ted Cruz: "Well I think that those Confederate flag-waving old white folks out there might say differently!"

Everyone else: "We're done here."
by Could_be_anyone October 17, 2013
A Republican Senator representing Texas who is socially conservative, libertarian on economics, a hawk on foreign policy and otherwise takes right-wing positions on issues such as global warming, gay marriage, etc. Has recently positioned himself to be the leader of the right-wing of an already conservative party by catering to more hardline conservatives by attacking the "old guard" in the party as well as and moderates (some call them "RINO's") and occasionally flirting with conspiracy theories (see quote below). As you may have noticed from other posters on this site he has succesfully marketed himself to the political right-wing and as a result alot of your more hardline conservatives want him to be the Republican presidential nominee in 2016. Alot of Democrats also want him to be the Republican presidential nominess in 2016, albeit for a completely different reason.
"It is at a minimum relevant to know if that $200,000 deposited in his bank account came directly from Saudi Arabia, came directly from North Korea." -Ted Cruz on Chuck Hagel, who himself is Republican
by AnotherPseudointellectual December 08, 2014
myopic self-righteous, power hungry asshole who won't listen to anyone or change his views no matter the circumstances.
That guy you're dating is a total Ted Cruz. Run for the hills before he defunds your abortion savings account.
by wonkette2016 October 01, 2013
A phrase used to describe an abnormally large piece of excrement.
Damn! That Cow just took a huge Ted Cruz on the ground!

I just took a Ted Cruz in the toilet. Took me about 3 flushes to finally flush that big turd down.
by TheTruthWithin October 16, 2013

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