A confident and aloof creature who valiantly tries to live life to the full. He can often be found scutlling around libraries,Gavin,golf courses,lard factories,Ferraries and Gregs. Swotley is renowned for his vast knowledge of pastries and old school music, whos name and achievements have long been forgoten.His large and slugish physique (similar to that off Shrek),glasses and curly womanly hair makes him easy pray,and an optimum structure on which to make jokes.He is and often the butt of crude fat jokes.
Linda:Is it true that Gregs has given Swotley a discount card?
Tor:No that was for ferraries Gregs has banned him from coming into the shop at dinner time becuase he keeps eating all the bakes, especially those steak ones, and then scaring off the customers by enitiating them in boring conversations with his podgy,beady little eyes.
A strange creature. Resembles many other strange creatures. Wears Rugby or Cricket Jerseys for upper clothing and jeans for lower. These jeans usually smell. Is a member of the "Elite Cult Against Drugs And Drink". Often seen rummaging around local bakers. An expert in the making and consuming of Stake Beaks. His diet varies but consists of one day of storing chocolate in his system. When enemies are near, he release a strange odour. Victims claim it smells slightly of a mixture of bacon, cheese and shit. His personality is mixed. He composes songs such as 2004's hit track Better Place, from The Whirlwind EP. During 2003 and 2004, he was thrown out of two bands and failed to form many. 2004 became the year he was classified as a monster. He can be seen at many pubs, bakeries and music courses for wash ups. During 1998, he attempted suicide using a paper scissors. The idea being to cut off his finger. His attempts failed and his first transfomration into the monster began. Currently understood to be desperate for a female in his species.
A: Jesus Christ! What is that smell!
B: Oh god! WE ARE BEING ATTACKED BY SWOTLEY!