One of the biggest clubs in the world. No, You aren't the biggest, Mancs. Says who? Messi and the rest of Barca
do. But you're the best in the UK and most successful. Feel better?
Their gaffer, although he is a legend, is also a whisky-nosed gobshite. Known to have every official in the F.A. in his lap from Mike Riley to the Northwest Counties Premier league part-time ref. Likes to look at the fourth official and tap his watch his to intimidate him, especially if Yernited are losing. Naturally, this results in a rediculous and usually unustifiable amout of extra time added, to allow United to nick a result.
Also likes to flail his arms wildly in rage and jump around like a twat if a ref does dare stand up to him and not rule in Yernited's favor, all while sipping on Heineken on the touchline.
The best player on earff (well according to Mancs, anyway) plays for them. Cristiano Ronaldo, and yes, he is class. However, he is a miserable little twit who flies through the air at the slightest touch, usually making sure he is convieniently inside the opposition box, and convieniently
when Yernited happen to be losing, in search of a penalty. In the rare event that a peno is not given, he likes to join in with his teammates in surrounding and bullying the official.
When not doing this he can be found modelling bird's clothing , crashing cars into guardrails, and sexing up the local Mancunian transvestites for cash.
Their supporters - oh my, lol. Most of them are from the following: Asia, Middle East, London, for the most part.
99.5% of them couldn't locate Manchester on a map, never mind say they have been to Old Trafford. I'm not quite sure how they even watch United, since most of them
are either huddled in mud huts or are too poor to afford a television, if you review the above locations I mentioned. Not that they're missing anything, well they aren't missing
any atmosphere by not being at O.T. cos there is none, just 70,000 different accents, none of them English, munching away on prawn sarnies.
Any attempt to slight Yernited to Yernited supporter is usually met with the good old rebuttal "How many trophies have you lot won?"
When you go to Old Trafford, you will be amazed by the lack of actual team songs that Manc fans have, other then "Glory, Glory Yernited!". Usually what you
hear are : songs about scousers, songs about Liverpool FC, songs about Hillsborough, songs about Heysel, songs about Good ol Leeds, and songs about Citeh. You will
also see numerous banners concerning those 3 clubs as well in the ground. But they aren't obsessed or bitter, no not them lot! lol.
On the topic of Hillsborough, they seem to find humor in singing about dead scousers, yet get all uptight when scousers or Leeds fans sing about Matt Busby and Munich, or when Fabian Delph made the aeroplane gesture at Oldham after scoring earlier this season. Hypocriticla much?
There you have it folks. Yernited. Doubt most people will like it, but what do you expect? I'm a leeds fan!
Leeds fan : The Mancs are singing "We all hate Leeds scum" again....
mate: are Manchester United playing Leeds in a Cup game or summat?
Leeds fan : Naw, they are just gobshites who are so bitter and obsessed with us they can't stop thinking of us
mate: ah yea, mate, figured so. dont most Mancunians support Citeh anyway?
Leeds fan: aye....
A T-shirt and merchanising team, also plays football but to a lesser extent
A famous football club from China and South-East Asia, but for some strange reason is based in North West England.
It has a few thousand supporters in England, but the majority of its fans are the Chinese, Thais, Vietnamese and Laotian.
Several medical studies have conclusive proven that a large percentage of their fan base suffers from dementia, megalomania, delusions of grandeur, latent homosexual tendencies and irritable bowel syndrome.
Fan 1: "Manchester United is the greatest team in the world"
Fan 2: "Manchester United is the greatest team in the universe"
Fan 3: "Gary Neville is the best looking male football player in all of creation"
Neutral Fan: "Manchester United are the second best team in England, the seventh best in Europe, and outside of the top ten in the world. Gary Neville makes Shane MacGowan look like George Clooney"
The most hated football team in the world.
Their supporters all live in London, and they play their home fixtures in a theme park.
They sook because people sing about Munich, but are happy to sing about Arsene Wenger being a paedophile every time he goes there.
They fork out outrageous amounts of money for players who turn out not to be that good (Michael Carrick).
95% of their supporters live overseas and know jack shit about them, yet profess to a long-standing love of 'their team'
Their manager is the most pig-headed bastard to ever inhabit a technical area, who never sees an incident where a United player dives or does one of their typically scummy tackles, but is always prepared to get stuck right into other teams whenever someone gets tough on one of his players.
Typical Manchester United Fan 1:"Who is Matt Busby?"
Typical Manchester United Fan 2:"I don't know, maybe he's the groundskeeper"
A team followed by bandwagoners and (formerly) teenyboppers who went for them because "David Beckham is sooo hot!" A money-making, merchandise spinning, whore enterprise that plays a bit of soccer on the side.
"Who do you go for in the English Premier League?"
"Name another team that plays in the Premier League?"
Everything that is wrong with modern football - with their Johnny Come Lately fans (from Croydon and Essex, mostly), merchandising empire that makes them more money than on-pitch endeavours, and the greatest bunch of cynical cheating scum you could ever cast your eyes on. Also former home to David Beckham and Eric Cantona, if you needed an easy reason to hate them.
Yet they seem to have one major contradiction - they want to sign any player under the sun (not signing a player courtesy of The Sun, as they usually do), yet don't want Malcolm Glazier and his money that would help them do so.
Pedro Mendes from the halfway line.
Ruud van Nistelrooy winning (another) dubious penalty.
Roy Keane trying to end Alfie Haaland's career.
The players chasing the ref around the pitch when they don't like his decision.
Alex Ferguson pointing to his watch for (even) more stoppage time when they're losing.
Another player from a small club being "unsettled" by the sports pages in The Sun, bullying their club into selling him (ie, Dwight Yorke, Louis Saha)
A football team with fans from all over England except Manchester. There manager is one of the most dispicable people ever to make it on TV and due to there large glory hunting fan base take up valuable time on sky sports with storys that aren't even news. Most of there supporters have'nt got a clue about football and go to watch one game a year if they are committed coming up with typical glory hunter excuses for supporting them like my grandad once went on holiday to manchester. They are everything that is wrong with football today from all the money being at the top of the game, to overpaid young men who have lost touch with reality, to brainless supporters who wonder why the goalkeeper is wearing a different kit to everyone else. There stadium sucks it might be big but its ugly and soulless with fans who only sing when they are winning and even then its just a few of them. they should be demoted to league 2 for the blatant favouritism referees give them then see how many make the long trips from Essex, Warwickshire and South east Asia to watch them play.
Football fan: How many Manchester United games have you been to this year
Manu fan: None but I did go to one in 1998 its a long way from Stratford
Football fan: Why do you support them then?
Manu fan: My Auntie went on a day trip to Salford in the 70s, did you hear on Sky Sports that the players are not going to be complacent this year
Football fan: Yes i was watching to see if there was any real football news about transfers and results but instead i was subjected to that big Scottish tomato face rambling on again I wish that tramp who battered him had finished him off.
a merchandising company based in manchester, england, who are responsible for paying the referee salaries in the english premier league, also to some extent involved in playing football.
person a: this year arsenal will win the premiership! they smashed chelsea yesterday 4-1!
person b: no, manchester united will win, they have the most expensive players and the best referees.