Top Definition
A person with massive hands that are best suited for squeezing or destroying things
"Hey Ham Hands, come squeeze the shit out of these limes for me."

"Dude, those ham hands were made for destruction. You should have been a Viking or something like that."
by The TOB March 10, 2010
When an individual either male or female is too intoxicated or in an excessively impaired mental state that prevents them from properly performing the act of masturbation upon themselves or another person.
"I was trying to beat off last night and I drank so much fucking robitussin and rubbing alcohol that I wound up just socking myself in the nuts instead, I totally ham-handed that one."
by mikiter September 09, 2013
the uncontrolable desire of masturbating with a glazed porkroast
Watch out sir, he's got the ham-hands today...
by James Corvarse January 19, 2005
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