Top Definition
A person with massive hands that are best suited for squeezing or destroying things
"Hey Ham Hands, come squeeze the shit out of these limes for me."

"Dude, those ham hands were made for destruction. You should have been a Viking or something like that."
by The TOB March 10, 2010

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When an individual either male or female is too intoxicated or in an excessively impaired mental state that prevents them from properly performing the act of masturbation upon themselves or another person.
"I was trying to beat off last night and I drank so much fucking robitussin and rubbing alcohol that I wound up just socking myself in the nuts instead, I totally ham-handed that one."
by mikiter September 09, 2013

The Urban Dictionary Mug

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The Urban Dictionary Mug

Lotsa space for your liquids.

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The Urban Dictionary Mug

Your favorite word on a white mug.

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The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

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The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Soft and offensive. Just like you.

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The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Smooth, soft, slim fit American Apparel shirt. Custom printed. 100% fine jersey cotton, except for heather grey (90% cotton).

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the uncontrolable desire of masturbating with a glazed porkroast
Watch out sir, he's got the ham-hands today...
by James Corvarse January 19, 2005

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Lotsa space for your liquids.

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The Urban Dictionary Mug

Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

Your favorite word on a white mug.

Create a mug

The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

Buy the mug

The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Soft and offensive. Just like you.

Buy the t-shirt

The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Smooth, soft, slim fit American Apparel shirt. Custom printed. 100% fine jersey cotton, except for heather grey (90% cotton).

Buy the t-shirt