by Cocktail Sauce #1 February 21, 2009
Someone with a useful set of skills, especially a rare sought-after talent, that is completely useless because they are drunk all the time.
Example 1:
Rumpelstiltskin: I'm here to spin all that straw into gold and save the miller's daughter. Hey, do you have any meds for a headache? I have a killer hangover.
Miller's friend: Dude, you smell like booze. Also, she's dead already. The King hanged her on Sunday.
Rumpelstilskin: Awwww, noooo! Really!? But I can spin the straw into gold like the King wants.
Miller's friend: That would have been useful 3 days ago when you said you'd be here.
Rumpelstiltskin: Aw man. I'm so sorry. I feel so bad about this.
Miller's friend: Yeah. Nice job, Drunkelstiltskin.
Rumpelstiltskin: I feel so bad. I need a drink.
Example 2:
John: I need some help with my Calculus homework. Do you know anyone that is taking Calculus this semester?
Bob: Well, that dude over there has a Ph.D in Mathematics. I'm sure he could help you.
John: A Ph.D, seriously? Where is he!?
Bob: He's that guy over there in the recliner chair.
John: You mean that passed out guy sitting in the chair with barf dripping down the arm of the chair?
Bob: Yep. That's him. Drunkelstiltskin is a fuckin' math genius!
John: ...
Rumpelstiltskin: I'm here to spin all that straw into gold and save the miller's daughter. Hey, do you have any meds for a headache? I have a killer hangover.
Miller's friend: Dude, you smell like booze. Also, she's dead already. The King hanged her on Sunday.
Rumpelstilskin: Awwww, noooo! Really!? But I can spin the straw into gold like the King wants.
Miller's friend: That would have been useful 3 days ago when you said you'd be here.
Rumpelstiltskin: Aw man. I'm so sorry. I feel so bad about this.
Miller's friend: Yeah. Nice job, Drunkelstiltskin.
Rumpelstiltskin: I feel so bad. I need a drink.
Example 2:
John: I need some help with my Calculus homework. Do you know anyone that is taking Calculus this semester?
Bob: Well, that dude over there has a Ph.D in Mathematics. I'm sure he could help you.
John: A Ph.D, seriously? Where is he!?
Bob: He's that guy over there in the recliner chair.
John: You mean that passed out guy sitting in the chair with barf dripping down the arm of the chair?
Bob: Yep. That's him. Drunkelstiltskin is a fuckin' math genius!
John: ...
by Beavis Comeavis January 31, 2019
Any professional drinker who boozes beyond recognition and becomes the drunken beast of a horrific twisted alcohol-induced Brothers' Grimm fairy fable, generally taking on the form of a short, hairy guy who is convinced you are dying to fuck him.
"Fuck this, I am outta here. Drunkelstiltskin is staggering this way and he already puked on my shoes once tonight"
by Reginold Bixby July 11, 2008