Some Kid: Wow, my life is over. I CAN'T believe this is
happening to me...how did things get this way?
Dr. Facebook: Now, now, just remember that in the grand scheme of things, the blah blah is
never gonna blah blah, so if you just blah blah, and follow
your heart, all your blah blah will come true.
Observer: wtf who paged Dr. Facebook?