The language of charvae has bewildered linguists the world over, as no-one has been able to identify its roots. It seems to consist of a constant nasal whine that sounds like 'aaaaaa', which occasionally morphs into approximations of existing English words delivered in an extended manner, very much akin to Siberian throat-singing but with an undertone of suppressed rancour. A variation of this is the machine-gun-like delivery that accompanies an amphetamine session that often features the endless repetition of the words 'proper', 'how', 'ch', 'here, man', 'shan' and 'hollible'. The usage of these amusing jazz words by non-charvae is a source of constant chagrin to the charva
"giz a ten pence."
and then lads wear: tracksuit bottoms, fred perry or henri lloyd stripey jumpers, rockport coat, rockport boots, most of them wear a burberry cap (usually fake) carefully placed at 45 degress, they have their eyebrow pierced and one ear pierced, and have a tab carefully placed behind their ear, both wear huge sovereign rings and chunky gold chains, they always go round shoutin and swearin their heads off, and stickin their noses up at goths or just any different people.
their example of fun is getting stoned or pissed out their heads!
they always have fights with people for meaningless reasons, and the lads like to get their girlfriends pregnant by the age 15!
'we gunna bash ya'
'what ye lookin at'
'lend uz 10 pence'
'ohhhhh buzzin ewwwww'
Here are my gradings 1 - 5, 1 Being Least Charva’ish and 5 being fully blown Charva, Stripey Jumper and All.
1. Wears expensive Rockport Boots and Stripey Jumpers. Does this because alot of other people he knows where these things. I personally know people at this grade, they are very down to earth and only occasionally wear the Charva uniform.
2. Above with the addition of a modified Geordie accent. This accent modification is very well documented in other posts on this page.
3. As above who hangs about in groups of other charvas. This is an important stage, this is where a Charva borders on becoming intrusive, arrogant, and to be blunt, a bit of a waste of space. They also wear a Burburry cap which is very carefully worn at 45 degrees, the practical function of this is still under investigation.
4. As above including, the Charva will have a very bad attitute to anything that he or she doesn’t like or understand, they will have a chip on the shoulder attitude. This type of Charva is very arrogant and doesn’t really care about anything but him or herself
5. As above….They are the roughest people you could possibly come across, they beg on the streets for money which they need to feed their drink and drug habits. The females have lots of scrunches in their hair, usually have a ridiculous fringe, wear bright colloured leggings and tend not to have much dress sense at all.
Charva`s have changed their dress code somewhat in the last 5 years. They used to wear Kappa tracksuits with a vast array of ski jackets, this has moved on to any sort of top that has horizontal stripes, (polo shirt and jumpers are a favorite). Rockport or rockport look-alike boots are also worn. Jeans are usually worn however some charvas prefer tracksuit bottoms (usually worn only by the poorer charvas).
The modern Charva name was associated with people from Newcastle, however, they can be seen on many streets throughout the UK, with very similar dress sense and attitude, however as you can imagine, their accent and slang differs from city to city.
"Whaa, its purley belta freezin the day hew"
This inferior species of mankind are set in the ways of trying to destroy themselves by taking drugs, drinking cheap alchol such as cider, by smoking. Charvers also put the lives of other people at stake as well as the have a habit of stealing cars (particularly old models of nissans and fords as well as transit vans) and driving them at unsafe velocities until the crash which then causes their inferior minds to contemplate setting the car or van alight as they believe it is a good idea and fun.
Should you run into a charva or a group of charvers (otherwise known as a crew) you are likely to be asked a question in the language of the charva that is almost impossible to understand. At the most a charva may be able to make a barley co-herient sentence such as "Lens 'is a tab" or " Hu you think ur lukin at, ye want bangin out"
Charvers dispise anyone who shows any signs of individuality. They can only tolerate being around people who dress like them. The typical charver clothing consists of a horizontally striped fred perry jumper, tracksuit bottoms, over priced hiking boots named rockports and overpriced waterproof coats called berghaus's.
Should you come across any of these poor, socially retarded, exuses of human beings it is recommended that you do not make eye contact and that you walk away as if they detect any eye contact between you and them they will look to pick a fight with you.