Cedar Crest College

Cedar Crest College: a private, four-year women’s college known for its stellar nursing program. If you come to this school for any other reason, you’re likely a scrub who got rejected from her top choice schools. If you’re looking for male interaction on campus, you can look no further than the male Saudi students, who seem to be here due to a fluke in the system (or possibly, due to copious amounts of funding to the Crest from the Saudi government?) Anyway, if you’re not down with brown, you can try an array of douchey white frat boys from nearby Lehigh University, the campus you’ll eventually end up at if you want to get the true party experience in college. If, however, you choose to stay on campus for the weekend, prepare to be bored with Cedar Crest’s nonexistent social scene and leftover dining hall food from the school week. And if you’re a prospective student or incoming freshman, welcome to your next four glorious, estrogen-filled years at the Crest!

*at a party*
Lehigh Student: Hey, girl. What year are you here?
Cedar Crest Student: Oh, I actually go to Cedar Crest College...
Lehigh Student, pretending he knows what college that is: Oh, dope! Wanna do a body shot?

by eucalyptusweed November 15, 2017