n. a very mean, hideous individual who will cause you harm if you dont comply with their orders.
dont make me cactus jack your ass!!!
by super fagel August 07, 2009
Top Definition
Mick Foley's alter ego
Don't make me Cactus Jack your ass!
by CLB May 03, 2004
The real form of this phrase is similar to a masturbatory experience known as "The Stranger" (in which you sit on your hand until it is numb and masturbate so that it feels like someone else is doing it)

The only variance is that when doing a "Cactus Jack" you wait for partial numbness to restore until you feel the "Pins and needles" in your hand. You then masturbate and it feels like you're jacking off a real cactus.

Other Notes: It does not matter much if you reach climax during this as real cacti retain liquid and cannot orgasm.

Should you jack off a real cactus please seek immediate medical help.
John was giving himself a stranger in the closet when suddenly it turned into a god awful Cactus Jack situation when the feeling in his hand came back. Next time John will sit on both of his hands before an attempt.
by Bongsc2 January 21, 2010
There are several definitions floating around out there - but this is an original scenario and should be considered an authentic Cactus Jack henceforth -
If lonely in the desert, take a small cactus and carefully remove all needles. Insert a knife in the bottom and hollow out the pulp. You should now have a flap of cactus skin with a nicely lubricated, aloey, gooey lining. Carefully insert two fingers and feel around the inside looking for any "ingrown needles". Once satisfied that your cactus meets all safety requirements, you may proceed to have sex with it. Afterwards, rinse and repeat as desired. The flap will fold easily and can be kept discreetly in your pocket.
When Casey was doing infantry training out in the desert, I heard he got lonely in his fighting hole and made himself up a nice little Cactus Jack for company.
by Daddy Ruxpin November 08, 2010
When you shave your pubes and wait til you grow back stubble. You then take your significant other's face and rub it vigorously on the stubble til they get a rash.
Dude the girl was a cock tease so I gave her a cactus Jack.
by Gclipse December 23, 2009
A very bad masturbatory experience with a cactus & some form of drugs!
Who knew a Cactus Jack would be so painful????
by mo_dingo September 06, 2008
wise guy, ( smart ass ) everybody needs a little ass noon likes a smart ass...

Out of my face Cactus Jack!! You look like a donkey eating cactus!!
by itichie_nocanpo August 10, 2006
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