lifeguard 

When someone is sleeping, quietly pull your pants down and wipe your ass with the bridge of their nose. This will make the poop stain on their nose resemble the lotion lifeguards usual wear.

When you think of a lifeguard you can picture the white suntan lotion on his nose, now replace the lotion with turd from your buttcrack.

lifeguard by Jesus Toast February 29, 2008

lifeguard 

Person at a party designated to remain sober and handle any activities the extreme state of intoxication of the other party guests render them unable to perform. Activities such as working the TV and/or DVD player, ordering drunk food, collecting car keys, cleaning up food/discarded clothing/spilled beer/vomit, preventing (or breaking up) fights, and talking to the police/security/neighbors.

A person whose job it is to facilitate a good time while at the same time preventing people from ending up in either jail or the hospital.

A secondary function of the lifeguard is to provide a supplement to facebook memory by providing a coherent record of the events of the party to everyone else the following morning. Thus providing guests with a person to whom they can pose the question "What the fuck did I do last night?"

Nick: "Who's lifeguard tonight?"
Jay: "Greg's got it"

Nick: "I'm jonzing for some fuckin' wings"
Jay: "dude, get the lifeguard to order some"

Nick: "What the fuck did I do last night?"
Lifeguard: "You tried to jump off the fucking balcony 'cause you thought you could fly"

lifeguard by DamianKain April 7, 2008

Lifeguard moment 

That moment when you notice people who should not have had kids but did anyways, and say "Hey! You! Out of the gene pool!"

"Oh my god, did you see that woman changing a diaper right in the middle of the Wal-mart?"
"Total lifeguard moment, right?"

Lifeguard moment by Faxus December 4, 2013

lifeguarding 

creeping on 12-13 year olds at the local swimming hole

Hi im Tully and i go lifeguarding

lifeguarding by LifeGuardAus October 3, 2017

lifeguard business 

A term used for when a lifeguard has sex with his patient on the beach instead of saving them

i saw a lifeguard doing "lifeguard business" at the beach!

lifeguard business by ceo of lifeguard business June 8, 2022

Lifeguard 

An employee who works at an aquatic facility that provides standard care for Adults, Teens, toddlers, infants, etc. They also rescue swimmers that require urgent help. Requirements: Age- 14+ 14: Pool attendant- Respectionest and slide attendent 15+ Lifeguard, In high school, CPR and first aid certified, Passed Lifeguard swim test. here are the steps of training as a lifeguard:

1) Minimum age: 15 years.
2) Swim 300 yards continuously using the breast or front crawl.
3) Tread water for 2 minutes using only the legs.
4) Complete a timed event within 1 minute, 40 seconds. ...
Surface dive to a depth of 7 to 10 feet to retrieve a 10-pound object.

Trainee: Hey, im gonna go train to be a lifeguard!
Person #2: Okay! Have fun!
Trainee: Okay! I will text or call you and tell you how it went!
Person #2: Got it!

Lifeguard by Commander-39900 January 3, 2023

The Lifeguard 

When you nut on your partner's nose and leave there while you walk the beach

He just gave her The Lifeguard behind that beach umbrella

The Lifeguard by C KWC July 17, 2021