The 'Canada's History' is an extremely vile, yet strangely satisfying, sex act that originated in the Moose Jaw, SK, General Hospital Psychiatric ward in 1987. It is now practiced throughout Canada, especially in the cold parts, by children, adults, and seniors alike. The act itself involves the male genitalia being dipped in maple syrup before being made to negotiate a pair of Moose antlers which have been strapped to the female's groin area. Male beginners at this move may choose to wear a protective sports cup on the their groin while practicing this skill with their friends--this is often referred to on the schoolyards of Canada as the "Stanley Cup". Regional differences do exist in regards to the 'Canada's History' however. In maritime Canada and northern Quebec, where human-looking and smelling females have long since become extinct, the use of a seal instead of a human female is accepted. While the normal version of the "Canada's History" is culminated by both parties needlessly apologizing to each other, the Maritime/N. Quebec version ends with the clubbing of the aforementioned seal.
by iamnotacrook February 7, 2010
the act of two consenting adults fondling eachother with a maple leaf soaked in maple syrup, before going to town on eachother with goalie pads, a french to english translation book, and a picture of alan thicke. all of this done while listening to a record of william shatner's spoken word album "The Transformed man"
jim: so, you showed diane a bit aboot canadas history last night eh?
bob: ohh yaaaa, she knows all aboot it now
bob: ohh yaaaa, she knows all aboot it now
by Freida's Boss February 5, 2010
Is when you put a miniature #99 Wayne Gretzky jersey on your cock, then pull your foreskin over another dude's circumsized penis which has a miniature #66 Mario Lemieux jersey on and dock with him; while being watched by a Sasquatch, Brian Mulroney, and the Blue Nose.
"Hey remember on July 1st when those two guys showed us Canada's History."
"Those two dudes aren't gay they just like Canada's History."
"Those two dudes aren't gay they just like Canada's History."
by The Goldman February 5, 2010
A sex act of the most depraved type, usually between two men, and involving maple syrup, a hockey stick, the Stanly Cup, a Canadian flag, and several polar bears. This act is often performed on ice.
The syrup is poured into the Stanly Cup and placed on ice where it is allowed to cool for about an hour. Both men take turns spanking each other with the hockey stick, while the syrup hardens into a gel. Then, the first man penetrates the semi-hardened syrup with his penis, while he wraps the second man's head with the Canadian flag. Then, the ends of the hockey stick are inserted into the anuses of both men. Each man pleasures himself, generally in a race to be the first to ejaculate.
The polar bears just watch.
My apologies to the proud nation of Canada.
The syrup is poured into the Stanly Cup and placed on ice where it is allowed to cool for about an hour. Both men take turns spanking each other with the hockey stick, while the syrup hardens into a gel. Then, the first man penetrates the semi-hardened syrup with his penis, while he wraps the second man's head with the Canadian flag. Then, the ends of the hockey stick are inserted into the anuses of both men. Each man pleasures himself, generally in a race to be the first to ejaculate.
The polar bears just watch.
My apologies to the proud nation of Canada.
Me: "I gave Stephen Colbert the Canada's History last night".
My friend: "Did you get the flag or the cup?"
Me: "The cup".
My friend: "How many polar bears did you have?"
Me: "Two".
My friend: "I am doubtful of your truethiness".
My friend: "Did you get the flag or the cup?"
Me: "The cup".
My friend: "How many polar bears did you have?"
Me: "Two".
My friend: "I am doubtful of your truethiness".
by CaptainStudly February 7, 2010
A sexual act so depraved Canadians are forbidden from speaking of it in public. Also known as "Going Balls-Diefenbaker."
With a turkey baster, inject as much maple syrup as possible into the vagina or anus. Once full, grab a lacrosse stick and insert in a slow twisting motion until it can go no further. Do a couple of turns, and then remove. What you now have is called the "Kodiak Boner", which you have to lick clean before moving on. Next, take the antlers of a young moose (freshly killed is best; you Albertans know what I'm talking about) and insert the longest point into your anus while letting the horn wrap around & cradle your nutsack. If you're female, it's one in the pink, one in the stink. Ideally this is accomplished without breaking the horn. Then while standing over the Stanley cup, one partner blows the other and spits the jizz into the cup until full. (This can take days.) Once filled to the brim, the fellated partner must drink Lord Stanley's Cum (purists will say it must be done in one attempt), kiss his partner, and snowball as much as possible back into his or her mouth. If his partner vomits from the experience, then the antlers may be removed and the act is complete; if not, the partners must post each other's nude, antler-impaled, come-covered photo as their Facebook profile picture and tag themselves in it.
Extra cred is applied if Canada's History is performed in a, or with a girl named, Mercedes. ÜBER cred if both apply.
With a turkey baster, inject as much maple syrup as possible into the vagina or anus. Once full, grab a lacrosse stick and insert in a slow twisting motion until it can go no further. Do a couple of turns, and then remove. What you now have is called the "Kodiak Boner", which you have to lick clean before moving on. Next, take the antlers of a young moose (freshly killed is best; you Albertans know what I'm talking about) and insert the longest point into your anus while letting the horn wrap around & cradle your nutsack. If you're female, it's one in the pink, one in the stink. Ideally this is accomplished without breaking the horn. Then while standing over the Stanley cup, one partner blows the other and spits the jizz into the cup until full. (This can take days.) Once filled to the brim, the fellated partner must drink Lord Stanley's Cum (purists will say it must be done in one attempt), kiss his partner, and snowball as much as possible back into his or her mouth. If his partner vomits from the experience, then the antlers may be removed and the act is complete; if not, the partners must post each other's nude, antler-impaled, come-covered photo as their Facebook profile picture and tag themselves in it.
Extra cred is applied if Canada's History is performed in a, or with a girl named, Mercedes. ÜBER cred if both apply.
My girlfriend and I took a week off work to perform Canada's History and now I'm pretty sure I have a ruptured colon.
by RebelScum February 6, 2010
A sexual act requiring four participants: 2 men; 1 young woman; and one elderly woman, ideally from montreal. Also necessary are a pair of moose antlers; a gallon jug of maple syrup; and ideally the stanley cup, although a replica can be substituted. The act begins with the young woman, called "Alberta Bertha," strapping on a large prosthetic penis carved from a walrus tusk and having lubricated it with maple syrup penetrates the rectum of one of the young men. This young man, the "Toronto Blue Jay," faces away from the woman penetrating him, bends over, reaches between his spread legs and grips her ankles firmly. The second man, called the "Buttfuckin canuck," stands behind the young woman and inserts his penis in her rectum while simultaneously penetrating her vaginally with one end of the moose antlers. The elderly french canadian woman then kneels behind the second man, inserting the other end of the moose antlers into her own vagina, and licks his rectum while masturbating with two fistfuls of french fries covered in gravy. For this reason she is called the "Madame Poutin." Extra fries, gravy, and maple syrup for lubricant are kept close at hand in the stanley cup. The resulting configuration of bodies in silhouette closely resembles the stylized maple leaf on the Canadian flag. Purists prefer there to be a heavily medicated beaver present, altho most modern practitioners consider The Beaver to be outmoded in the internet age.
"Hey hoser, look at that granny and her grand daughter over there. It'd be great to hook up with them for a Canada's History, eh?"
by Father Partridge Family Values February 6, 2010
When the aphrodisiacal element present in ground moose antlers (chocolate) which stimulates the circulatory system and increases sexual libido, is imbibed in tall soy peppermint mocha frappucinos by a thousand Canadians watching the Stanley Cup finals, this depraved sex act has been known to occur in the stadium bathrooms. Starting with the pouring of maple syrup onto the nude, hairless, lithe bodies of affected Canadians, Canada's History ends with what can only be described as a game of drunken, syrupy-sweet Twister gone very, very wrong.
1. I'd like to go with you to the Stanley Cup, but I am afraid of what I've heard about Canada's History.
2. I've heard of Canada's History, but never really believed it until now!
2. I've heard of Canada's History, but never really believed it until now!
by ariannahiggins February 7, 2010