one who has extramarrietal relations with their Bible...and for those of you who dont understand that...fucks their Bible
by GC Ender January 13, 2005
A person (to hereto be referred to as X) who is angered such by the mere existence of people who don't believe they will exist in X's imaginary place when they cease to exist for not believing in X's imaginary friend, that X will, on encountering non-X, desperately make sure to communicate X's belief that all non-X will come to exist in X's imaginary place when they cease to exist for not believing in X's imaginary friend while X will come to exist in X's 2nd imaginary place when X ceases to exist as a consequence of believing in X's imaginary friend. But this is only the beginning of the paradoxes, as despite being angered by the mere existence of non-X, believes that most non-X represents the vast majority of the human race and will therefore exist in the first imaginary place when they cease to exist while only they and their friends will exist in the second imaginary place when they and their friends don't exist. Also paradoxically, X firmly believes in the critical importance of 10 arbitrary rules of conduct, even though they make absolutely no difference according to X's own beliefs as to which imaginary place an individual is comes to exist in when that individual ceases to exist. More paradoxes include the condoning of the crusades despite these 10 rules of conduct, the belief that not only the first religion that theirs grew out of but the third one that appended onto their own are both inherently evil while theirs is good, the belief that the guidebook containing these 10 rules of conduct and much other paradoxical material contains no paradoxes or self-contradictions whatsoever despite the ease of finding references that clearly point out numerous such self-contradictions, that every scientific theory of the last 500 years, except POSSIBLY excluding the theory of gravity, IS completely self-inconsistent, and yet that science somehow exists for the purpose of glorifying X's imaginary friend, and often appeal to the superficial knowledge of the parts of this science that doesn't flagrantly contradict with their beliefs in their attempts to deride the rest of this science which they denounce entirely.
How to deal with Bible-Thumpers:
Method 1: Tell him you don't agree with him. Then follow it up with explaining why everything he believes in is all a crock of nonsense invented by a cult of bronze-age savages if you're harsh, debunk his claims, one by one if intermediate and if you're gentle, just try to persuade him that nothing he can say can convince you to believe what he does:
A few weeks ago a bible thumper came to my door and said that fish fossils were found at the tops of mountains and that it proves that there was a great flood. I told him that is the result of continental drift and that they are hundreds of millions of years old and not only don't prove there was a worldwide flood thousands of years ago but prove that the world is at least 100 thousand times as old as he says. He then said that they dated to only a few thousand years ago. I in turn told him that if he tries to use radioisotope dating to convince me that the universe is 6000 years old, that he has lost the argument before he even began it.
Pros: you'll feel superior
Cons: You're going to end up arguing for a really long time
Method 2: Nod your head and agree with him
Have you accepted Jesus as your savior?
Say "uh huh" and nod your head.
Pros: potentially get rid of him fast.
Cons: Somewhat humiliating. Can backfire especially if he then asks followup questions and tries to get you to join his bible study group.
Method 3: Put a door knocker on your door that looks like male genitalia.
Pros: Bible thumpers may decline to knock on your door in the first place.
Cons: Your neighbors and the mailman may suspect you of being a child molester. Except that neighbor up the hill who drives the Prius with rainbows painted all over it. He'll probably ask you on a date.
Method 1: Tell him you don't agree with him. Then follow it up with explaining why everything he believes in is all a crock of nonsense invented by a cult of bronze-age savages if you're harsh, debunk his claims, one by one if intermediate and if you're gentle, just try to persuade him that nothing he can say can convince you to believe what he does:
A few weeks ago a bible thumper came to my door and said that fish fossils were found at the tops of mountains and that it proves that there was a great flood. I told him that is the result of continental drift and that they are hundreds of millions of years old and not only don't prove there was a worldwide flood thousands of years ago but prove that the world is at least 100 thousand times as old as he says. He then said that they dated to only a few thousand years ago. I in turn told him that if he tries to use radioisotope dating to convince me that the universe is 6000 years old, that he has lost the argument before he even began it.
Pros: you'll feel superior
Cons: You're going to end up arguing for a really long time
Method 2: Nod your head and agree with him
Have you accepted Jesus as your savior?
Say "uh huh" and nod your head.
Pros: potentially get rid of him fast.
Cons: Somewhat humiliating. Can backfire especially if he then asks followup questions and tries to get you to join his bible study group.
Method 3: Put a door knocker on your door that looks like male genitalia.
Pros: Bible thumpers may decline to knock on your door in the first place.
Cons: Your neighbors and the mailman may suspect you of being a child molester. Except that neighbor up the hill who drives the Prius with rainbows painted all over it. He'll probably ask you on a date.
by thesandor July 25, 2009
Biblethumpers are religious zealots that pillory others who progress beyond obsolescent morality. The thumping signifies limitation of literacy to only one book, a 2,000-year-old primer which they interminably struggle to read.
Bible Thumpers tend to reduce all discussions to biblical citations while ignoring contemporary science. They are also usually reactionary or conservative toward social change. For example, they are often virulently opposed to birth control, abortion, gay marriage, women's rights, and evolution.
zealot sheep fanatic biblethumper
Bible Thumpers tend to reduce all discussions to biblical citations while ignoring contemporary science. They are also usually reactionary or conservative toward social change. For example, they are often virulently opposed to birth control, abortion, gay marriage, women's rights, and evolution.
zealot sheep fanatic biblethumper
The Bible Thumper, brainwashed by corporate media into single-issue tunnel vision, plans to defend fetuses by assassinating a pro-choice physician.
by LAlawMedMBA October 21, 2014
Annoying people who attempt to shove their religion down your throat when you're clearly interested in more important matters..
by Carl Juniors' son January 24, 2014
Bible Thumper (noun) (1)used to describe an individual who believes in the absolute word for word truth of the bible to the absolute exclusion of all other philosophical, spiritual, esoteric and religious belief systems. (2)Person who has been irretrievably brainwashed into believing that the bible is true in every word despite considerable evidence that it is based on the Sumerian Tablets and Vedas but altered heavily so it appears 'godly' and 'creationy'. Refuses to acknowledge that the bible was considerably altered by Emperor Constantine and the Council of Niscea around 500AD.
Bible Thumpers (plural) Term laterally applied to all extreme right wing christian groups who use the bible as a basis upon which to justify extreme acts of hate or violence (Westboro Baptist Church comes under this heading)
Bible Thumpers (plural) Term laterally applied to all extreme right wing christian groups who use the bible as a basis upon which to justify extreme acts of hate or violence (Westboro Baptist Church comes under this heading)
by GlycerineOxide June 1, 2014
a fundamentalist christian who aggressively pushes their beliefs on others
by The Return of Light Joker December 13, 2010
Person who uses the Bible to attack other via Facebook, Twitter and other social media outlets.
Typically, this person has no life of their own and they try to live out their lives by perceiving their god-given right to tell everyone else how they can improve their lives, while completely ignoring or being ignorant of their own place in their own self-created universe (typically of self-isolation and lack of committment). This person is notoriously unreliable and ready to attack anyone that does not agree with them on level (not just via the bible thump).
Typically, this person has no life of their own and they try to live out their lives by perceiving their god-given right to tell everyone else how they can improve their lives, while completely ignoring or being ignorant of their own place in their own self-created universe (typically of self-isolation and lack of committment). This person is notoriously unreliable and ready to attack anyone that does not agree with them on level (not just via the bible thump).
The bible thumper bigot used their Bible verse of the book of Morons 3: 1-167, 172, 178 to explain that they are never wrong.
by FacebookBibleThumpingHater January 28, 2014