2 definitions by thesandor

Top Definition
A person (to hereto be referred to as X) who is angered such by the mere existence of people who don't believe they will exist in X's imaginary place when they cease to exist for not believing in X's imaginary friend, that X will, on encountering non-X, desperately make sure to communicate X's belief that all non-X will come to exist in X's imaginary place when they cease to exist for not believing in X's imaginary friend while X will come to exist in X's 2nd imaginary place when X ceases to exist as a consequence of believing in X's imaginary friend. But this is only the beginning of the paradoxes, as despite being angered by the mere existence of non-X, believes that most non-X represents the vast majority of the human race and will therefore exist in the first imaginary place when they cease to exist while only they and their friends will exist in the second imaginary place when they and their friends don't exist. Also paradoxically, X firmly believes in the critical importance of 10 arbitrary rules of conduct, even though they make absolutely no difference according to X's own beliefs as to which imaginary place an individual is comes to exist in when that individual ceases to exist. More paradoxes include the condoning of the crusades despite these 10 rules of conduct, the belief that not only the first religion that theirs grew out of but the third one that appended onto their own are both inherently evil while theirs is good, the belief that the guidebook containing these 10 rules of conduct and much other paradoxical material contains no paradoxes or self-contradictions whatsoever despite the ease of finding references that clearly point out numerous such self-contradictions, that every scientific theory of the last 500 years, except POSSIBLY excluding the theory of gravity, IS completely self-inconsistent, and yet that science somehow exists for the purpose of glorifying X's imaginary friend, and often appeal to the superficial knowledge of the parts of this science that doesn't flagrantly contradict with their beliefs in their attempts to deride the rest of this science which they denounce entirely.
How to deal with Bible-Thumpers:
Method 1: Tell him you don't agree with him. Then follow it up with explaining why everything he believes in is all a crock of nonsense invented by a cult of bronze-age savages if you're harsh, debunk his claims, one by one if intermediate and if you're gentle, just try to persuade him that nothing he can say can convince you to believe what he does:
A few weeks ago a bible thumper came to my door and said that fish fossils were found at the tops of mountains and that it proves that there was a great flood. I told him that is the result of continental drift and that they are hundreds of millions of years old and not only don't prove there was a worldwide flood thousands of years ago but prove that the world is at least 100 thousand times as old as he says. He then said that they dated to only a few thousand years ago. I in turn told him that if he tries to use radioisotope dating to convince me that the universe is 6000 years old, that he has lost the argument before he even began it.
Pros: you'll feel superior
Cons: You're going to end up arguing for a really long time

Method 2: Nod your head and agree with him
Have you accepted Jesus as your savior?
Say "uh huh" and nod your head.

Pros: potentially get rid of him fast.
Cons: Somewhat humiliating. Can backfire especially if he then asks followup questions and tries to get you to join his bible study group.

Method 3: Put a door knocker on your door that looks like male genitalia.

Pros: Bible thumpers may decline to knock on your door in the first place.
Cons: Your neighbors and the mailman may suspect you of being a child molester. Except that neighbor up the hill who drives the Prius with rainbows painted all over it. He'll probably ask you on a date.
by thesandor July 24, 2009
1. (noun): The controlled affectations or coherent observations of the physical universe through processes lacking any operating principles.

2. (noun): A practical application of operating principles so arcane despite not breaking any physical laws, that in a universe of infinite size and duration, one could be assured that they had never been discovered and used before, nor if lost, would ever be again.

3. (adjective): An attribute which indicates that something is fundamentally unexplainable; any attempt to explain it leads to logical contradictions.

4. (adjective): The hallucinogenic attributes of certain mushrooms.

5. (noun): A game played by predominantly sexually repressed male persons ranging from high school aged boys who have never been on a date, to middle aged men who tell themselves they are holding out for the right person, preferably a real live anime furry.

1a. Oh my god, it's magic! Run for your life!
1b. Wouldn't it be nice if they taught magic side by side with physics in public schools and let the students decide?
2. George Foreman's grill is magic. And it knocks out the fat.
3a. Darling, this evening is simply magical. So I guess I probably shouldn't have eaten those mushrooms.
3b. Q: In a town where every man must be shaved by the barber if and only if he doesn't shave himself, how does the barber get shaved? A: Magic.
4. Darling, this evening is totally freaky because I'm so wasted. I'm glad I ate those magic mushrooms.
5. Look at those nerds over there playing magic. Now point and laugh.
by thesandor July 24, 2009

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