An accounting firm full of people who didn't fill out the DAMN Global Commitment Survey! I bet more people voted on this definition than those who filled out the damn survey which can actually help the situation and possibly change the definition. I guess this is why turnover at Deloitte hovers around 50% a year.
by Material Weakness March 30, 2005
1) a place where you can work in exchange for money, and if you don't like working there, you can leave to make money somewhere else. 2) a place where you can have a career and make a whole lot of money if you think that is the right path for you. 3) a place that is not perfect, like every other workplace. 4) a place where you can either complain to yourself or others or actually try to engage with people to make it a better place.
by evets December 3, 2005
an acct firm where it seems people stay at the office longer than necessary to hang out on sites such as www.urbandictionary.com. (See definitions for KPMG, PWC and E&Y, hardly any defs. or any voting going on, guess they are actually working!)
by bitter March 31, 2005
A company, like any other, that hires wet-behind-the-ears college grads.
Approximately 20-30% of these grads are over-achieving obnoxious types who are suddenly confronted with the reality of a demanding work schedule common to the industry they freely chose (and many other in their country of residence.) However, due to an inability to admit they made a mistake in their choice of profession (not necessarily employer), they remain unhappily employed by the same company. This inability is caused by the general immaturity of many young professionals as admitting a mistake in choice would require self-analysis, character, and possibly upsetting "daddy" (who they aimed so hard to impress by taking the job in the first place). They instead turn into apathetic whiners who bring down the morale and culture of their company with diatribe similar to the original definition.
This fosters a negative environment for the remaining 70-80% of employees who realize that they are employed of their own free will and can leave at any time, instead of referring to themselves as victims or even worse by slaves. “Slave” an overstatement that is an obviously, grossly insensitive reference to a race (in Americana history) who actually endured indentured servitude/slavery. (A race that is incidentally underrepresented by these firms b/c some of the same shallow and selfish pricks who think the biggest problem in the world is their own work schedule, eventually become partner and make strategic choices for the firm.)
Approximately 20-30% of these grads are over-achieving obnoxious types who are suddenly confronted with the reality of a demanding work schedule common to the industry they freely chose (and many other in their country of residence.) However, due to an inability to admit they made a mistake in their choice of profession (not necessarily employer), they remain unhappily employed by the same company. This inability is caused by the general immaturity of many young professionals as admitting a mistake in choice would require self-analysis, character, and possibly upsetting "daddy" (who they aimed so hard to impress by taking the job in the first place). They instead turn into apathetic whiners who bring down the morale and culture of their company with diatribe similar to the original definition.
This fosters a negative environment for the remaining 70-80% of employees who realize that they are employed of their own free will and can leave at any time, instead of referring to themselves as victims or even worse by slaves. “Slave” an overstatement that is an obviously, grossly insensitive reference to a race (in Americana history) who actually endured indentured servitude/slavery. (A race that is incidentally underrepresented by these firms b/c some of the same shallow and selfish pricks who think the biggest problem in the world is their own work schedule, eventually become partner and make strategic choices for the firm.)
any ass-clown grad who had daddy pay for their college education in the first place and thus does not yet realize the benefit of hard work.
by wassabisperm March 30, 2005
Do you want to get rid of all your pesky friends and/or potential suitors... then this is the job for you! Surely at some point in your life, you've thought to yourself "How can I eliminate the burden of having to hang out with my friends and/or annoying boyfriend/girlfriend"... The answer is simple work an average of 80 hours per week, usually out of town. Don't worry... those pesky friends will forget you exist in no time and your annoying boyfriend/girlfriend will as well. The upside to losing all of your real friends is that you have time (no less than 80 hours per week usually) to make new friends with all the other lonely people you work with. Your particularly lonely managers who have been using this strategy for 5+ years will always invite you to lunch or dinner on Friday night, Satuday and Sunday... o.k. invite might not be the right word... Now your thinking... that could probably make me single and alone, but how can I ensure that I will stay that way... The answer... you will become much less attractive. Under-eye baggage, the type of tan you can only get from spending months surrounded by the soft glow of a laptop monitor, an additional 15-40 lbs right around the middle, and that overall "I haven't slept in a week" look are generally part of the normal benefits package... if they don't offer it to you during your recruiting, rest assured that it is included.
by Exhausted March 3, 2012
"Deloitte" comes from the Greek denomination of "De" and "Loitte". "De" translates directly to "miserable", with "Loitte" translating to "pathetic human being." Formerly known as Deloitte Touche Tohmatsu, the name was shortened to just "Deloitte" after it was discovered that "Touche" was a 3rd grade version of the word ass, and Tohmatsu was too difficult to say.
Members of the Deloitte firm are easy to spot. During the months of January through March, in preparation for hibernation, Deloitters typically put on between 5 and 65 pounds. Additionally, staffers can be seen aging as if they drank from the wrong Holy Grail during this period. The only members of Deloitte who seem to stay a consistent age are the partners, mostly because they drink and bath in the youth and souls of staff members.
Deloitte is also a microcasm for the problems of American society. The wealth gap is clearly seen in Deloitte, with partners driving Porsche's, and staffers riding their new Dyno freestyle BMX's in January. In addition, Deloitte partners have new HP Tablet laptops, with staffers performing audit work on Abacuses.
Deloitte staffers can typically describe their lives with the following tickmark: "I traced and agreed my weight gain to the scale in my bathroom without exception. D&T noted that 15 pounds was immaterial to performing audit work. Per discussion with my roommates, I noted that they no longer recognized me. Per further inquiry, they now refer to me as either 'The guy that sleeps in the other room', or 'The vaguely familiar friend'. D&T assessed this explanation from my roommates as acceptable. I footed the number of outstanding bills received from the mail, and noted that it tied without exception to the amount that the bill collector said I owed. I re-calculated my credit score, and noted that the score of 4 was appropriate. D&T passed on further investigation."
Members of the Deloitte firm are easy to spot. During the months of January through March, in preparation for hibernation, Deloitters typically put on between 5 and 65 pounds. Additionally, staffers can be seen aging as if they drank from the wrong Holy Grail during this period. The only members of Deloitte who seem to stay a consistent age are the partners, mostly because they drink and bath in the youth and souls of staff members.
Deloitte is also a microcasm for the problems of American society. The wealth gap is clearly seen in Deloitte, with partners driving Porsche's, and staffers riding their new Dyno freestyle BMX's in January. In addition, Deloitte partners have new HP Tablet laptops, with staffers performing audit work on Abacuses.
Deloitte staffers can typically describe their lives with the following tickmark: "I traced and agreed my weight gain to the scale in my bathroom without exception. D&T noted that 15 pounds was immaterial to performing audit work. Per discussion with my roommates, I noted that they no longer recognized me. Per further inquiry, they now refer to me as either 'The guy that sleeps in the other room', or 'The vaguely familiar friend'. D&T assessed this explanation from my roommates as acceptable. I footed the number of outstanding bills received from the mail, and noted that it tied without exception to the amount that the bill collector said I owed. I re-calculated my credit score, and noted that the score of 4 was appropriate. D&T passed on further investigation."
by Wordness March 31, 2005
A company that has taken the pimps and hoes business model to the corporate world. The directors and partners are the pimps at the highest echelons of the Deloitte hierarchy, followed in order of descending worth by Associate Directors, Senior Managers, Managers, Assistant Managers, Senior Consultants, Consultants and jnr. consultants. There are so many levels in this place that one would think they enlisted in the army - not surprisingly, its not too different from the army. When you join Deloitte you give up your identity as an individual and become a Deloittan - its not too dissimilar from being assimilated by the Borg. If you prefer to follow in rank and file then you will love Deloitte. If you aren't a complete tool when you join Deloitte, you will be as soon as you have spent a few months there.
Deloitte Culture
--------------------
Prides itself in a culture known as the "Deloitte Way" where you can get your friends and minions to vote for you and be recognized as a top 10 representative of the Deloitte Way values which include lying, cheating, manipulating your way to the top of the food chain. Employees at junior levels get treated like garbage. Being such a rank based organization, your title dictates your status at the company and hence everyone is always fighting and willing to stab each other in the back to get to the top. Pretty much everyone at the very senior levels of this organization are flaming douche bags with no integrity.
Deloitte Culture
--------------------
Prides itself in a culture known as the "Deloitte Way" where you can get your friends and minions to vote for you and be recognized as a top 10 representative of the Deloitte Way values which include lying, cheating, manipulating your way to the top of the food chain. Employees at junior levels get treated like garbage. Being such a rank based organization, your title dictates your status at the company and hence everyone is always fighting and willing to stab each other in the back to get to the top. Pretty much everyone at the very senior levels of this organization are flaming douche bags with no integrity.
Deloitte Hierarchy and worth
------------------------------------
Partner: Top Dog
Directors: Kings and Queens
Associate Directors: Almost there
Senior Manager: Important
Manager: Almost Important
Assistant Manager: Competent but disposable
Senior Consultant: Senior pleb
Consultant: pleb
Jnr. Consultant: Apprentice pleb
Getting promoted at Deloitte
------------------------------------
If you aren't well versed in the art of brown nosing then you can all but forget about being promoted here.
How to succeed at Deloitte
----------------------------------
- Learn to kiss ass
- Give up your individuality, give up your own values and assimilate the Deloitte identity - you must become a Deloittan
- be aggressive, yes, you heard right be aggressive and take what you want
- Develop strong alliances with the cliques and groups in power quickly
- Don't trust anyone
- Be sneaky
- Leave your morals at the door
- Lie, manipulate, cheat...do whatever you have to to get ahead.
- Develop good relationships with your Development Facilitator(Coach) - they hold the keys to your future.
------------------------------------
Partner: Top Dog
Directors: Kings and Queens
Associate Directors: Almost there
Senior Manager: Important
Manager: Almost Important
Assistant Manager: Competent but disposable
Senior Consultant: Senior pleb
Consultant: pleb
Jnr. Consultant: Apprentice pleb
Getting promoted at Deloitte
------------------------------------
If you aren't well versed in the art of brown nosing then you can all but forget about being promoted here.
How to succeed at Deloitte
----------------------------------
- Learn to kiss ass
- Give up your individuality, give up your own values and assimilate the Deloitte identity - you must become a Deloittan
- be aggressive, yes, you heard right be aggressive and take what you want
- Develop strong alliances with the cliques and groups in power quickly
- Don't trust anyone
- Be sneaky
- Leave your morals at the door
- Lie, manipulate, cheat...do whatever you have to to get ahead.
- Develop good relationships with your Development Facilitator(Coach) - they hold the keys to your future.
by OverMan1982 September 17, 2013