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Masterbassion 

(n.);masterbassing-(v.) pronounced: Mast-er-bash-un
The stimulation of ones own bass guitar, especially slapping, which results in immediate pleasure and self-gratification. Depending on the length and intensity of masterbassion, pain and/or blisters may develop.
Idle hands lead to masterbassion.

masterbating with a cheese grater 

Doing a task that is not a good idea
Moving this piano without help is like masterbating with a cheese grater.

Masturbasting 

(V.) -ed The act of masturbation on or over somebody else's food ,evenly coating the object in one's own semen and/or vaginal fluid.
John was masturbasting his, soon to be ex-girlfriend's turkey, cause the bitch had it coming.

masterbating 

Guy 1:Man, I think steve's masturbating again.
Guy 2: From the sound of it, he ain't just masturbating, he's MASTERbating.

stealth masterbating 

When one wacks off as quietly as possible so as to not disturb the people in the same room.
Sam: I hope no one notices I am stealth masterbating
Girl friend: Sam ... are you wacking off!!!!
Sam: Oh Shit!

Masterbating Monkey 

A primate creature who masterbates.

"Monkey Masterbation Spotting" has become a hobby in the South American State of illinois. A well known competitor in the sport of of Monkey Masterbation Spotting is Fred Phelps, a very vocal and fanatically religeous biggot.
The monkey wrapped his primate hand around his primate pink penis, and masterbated furiously untill he fell out of his tree. Fred Phelps watched in glee as he photographed the event so he could show the pictures to his family.