Citrus County
An underrated little part of Florida that you have to have an intelligent sense of humor to appreciate.
While the population stereotypically consists of backwards rednecks and senile, retired couples, about half or more of the people who lived there moved from Boston, New York, or some other supposedly "bigger and better" location.
Among Citrus County's features are the infamous Super WalMart that those who actually care about the economy and the environment will try to avoid at all costs, the "radioactive beach" that will physically screw up everyone who tries to take a swim off the coast, a huge power plant, and an underappreciated state park famous for its manatees, as well as mean old men with anger problems and tyrannical, unfair legal system that will sentence a fifteen year old to ten years in prison for stealing a few cans of beer and let a 40 year old woman get away with assault.
Another notable feature of Citrus County is the presence of illegal drugs, particularly in Homossassa, rumored to be the pothead capitol of the county.
Citrus County has about four high schools, Lecanto High School, which is populated by idiots with a sense of humor, Citrus High School, which is populated by idiots who are hilarious but don't quite know how to make fun of themselves, Crystal River High School, which is locally famous for its notoriously bad test grades, and Crest, which is where "bad kids" and extreme psychological cases are sent to help them "cope with life." (Albeit few of them come out in good condition.)
If there's one thing that makes Citrus County worth it, it's the place's eccentric youth population, all of whom have some sort of bizarre problem or personality trait that to a subjective observer will seem nothing short of comic.
Among the population of Citrus County can be seen individuals who can bend their knees inwards, people with retractable beer bellies and yellow teeth, rich wiggers with a god complex, and children who are either unnaturally intelligent or unnaturally stupid, depending on who they are.
Note the presence of skateboards in practically every location, especially in Inverness. The antics of the youths are always good for a laugh.
To put it this way, Citrus County, in places where it isn't occupied by the retired or by drunken "trailer trash," is something like twisted high school comedy.
To sum it up this way, imagine the characters in Napoleon Dynamite and Lords of Dogtown getting together and doing crack. And that's saying something.
While the population stereotypically consists of backwards rednecks and senile, retired couples, about half or more of the people who lived there moved from Boston, New York, or some other supposedly "bigger and better" location.
Among Citrus County's features are the infamous Super WalMart that those who actually care about the economy and the environment will try to avoid at all costs, the "radioactive beach" that will physically screw up everyone who tries to take a swim off the coast, a huge power plant, and an underappreciated state park famous for its manatees, as well as mean old men with anger problems and tyrannical, unfair legal system that will sentence a fifteen year old to ten years in prison for stealing a few cans of beer and let a 40 year old woman get away with assault.
Another notable feature of Citrus County is the presence of illegal drugs, particularly in Homossassa, rumored to be the pothead capitol of the county.
Citrus County has about four high schools, Lecanto High School, which is populated by idiots with a sense of humor, Citrus High School, which is populated by idiots who are hilarious but don't quite know how to make fun of themselves, Crystal River High School, which is locally famous for its notoriously bad test grades, and Crest, which is where "bad kids" and extreme psychological cases are sent to help them "cope with life." (Albeit few of them come out in good condition.)
If there's one thing that makes Citrus County worth it, it's the place's eccentric youth population, all of whom have some sort of bizarre problem or personality trait that to a subjective observer will seem nothing short of comic.
Among the population of Citrus County can be seen individuals who can bend their knees inwards, people with retractable beer bellies and yellow teeth, rich wiggers with a god complex, and children who are either unnaturally intelligent or unnaturally stupid, depending on who they are.
Note the presence of skateboards in practically every location, especially in Inverness. The antics of the youths are always good for a laugh.
To put it this way, Citrus County, in places where it isn't occupied by the retired or by drunken "trailer trash," is something like twisted high school comedy.
To sum it up this way, imagine the characters in Napoleon Dynamite and Lords of Dogtown getting together and doing crack. And that's saying something.
Anyone who's ever read Mervyn Peake will realize that, by comparison to Gormenghast, Citrus County really isn't all that bad...
Citrus County by Boogiepop June 29, 2006
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