15 definitions by the handy writer
by the handy writer May 10, 2009
A scaled measurement (1-10) judging how far one’s undies have crept up one’s crack (a potentially debilitating condition which can result from any activity that involves bending, crouching or squatting, and is usually coupled with the exposure of butt cleavage). Scores on this scale must not be issued or proclaimed by novices or cheese factor enthusiasts due to the extraordinary variations in the kinds and sizes of undergarments, necessitating weighted metrics for accurate judgments. For example, traditional Mormon unmentionables are so baggy they rarely bunch, so scores higher than 4 are only possible if said handy Mormons are morbidly obese. Conversely, butt-flossies (thongs) garner at least an 8 rating without one even budging off the couch. A Cheese Factor of 10 (otherwise known as Imminent Endangerment) represents a frightening creepage scenario which might best be replicated by sitting on a vertical pencil and taking a direct hit, if you know what we mean. The momentarily intractable situation of a Cheese Factor 10 may require hospitalization or, at the very least, the full tugging might of your spouse, significant other, or a hastily constructed series of pulleys, weights and some type of wardrobe hook. Eww. This scale is employed when describing the potential outcome of an upcoming task. Term introduced on the Handyman for the Common Man web TV show.
by the handy writer May 9, 2009
Inability to understand being cool. Disproportionately affects those 30 and up. Term introduced on the Handyman for the Common Man web-only TV show.
“My uncle suffers from Hip Dysphasia. He can’t understand why I keep asking him to closet his Member’s Only jacket.”
by the handy writer May 10, 2009
To make an idea or task so simple that even a chimpanzee could comprehend or complete something. Term introduced on the Handyman for the Common Man web-only TV show.
“It’s widely known that Cheney had to chimplify W’s daily presidential briefings; in other words, a Texas monkey couldn’t misunderstand ‘em”.
by the handy writer May 10, 2009
Astonishingly and fantastically handy acts made possible through the mad skills you can learn from the Handyman. Adjectival form is permitted. Term introduced on the Handyman for the Common Man web-only TV show.
“No doubt ‘bout it, cuz. That Handyman churned out some wicked handincredible multi-purpose bookshelves.”
by the handy writer May 10, 2009
Attempting multiple solutions to a problem simultaneously, in the desperate hopes that something will work. This methodology is typically used by people who have no idea what they’re doing. Term introduced on the Handyman for the Common Man web TV show.
My supervisor is absolutely clueless when it comes to solving PR nightmares. Rather than spinning a story to the company's benefit, she always ends up kitchensinking the problem.
by the handy writer May 9, 2009
Dave: “The Dangly State seems replete with biscuit-brainers.”
Trev: “Well, you know what they say … all the nuts roll downhill!”
Trev: “Well, you know what they say … all the nuts roll downhill!”
by the handy writer May 10, 2009