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23 definitions by scorpionmintred

 
1.
1. (n.) The ape whom once conquered hot-air-ballooning, as only man had previously done.

2. (v.) The act of, upon ejaculating into a woman of ill-repute, jamming as many bananas as possible into her vagina. The man then whips out a spoon, takes a scoop, and offers the woman a serving of the mashed bananas. She then declines, and runs from the room screaming. The man then consumes the spoonful, takes his briefcase, and leaves.
"God Bless that Ape Wellington for showing us all that extremely boring balloon flight is possible!"

- or -

Friend: "Do you smell bananas?"

Woman: "No."

- or -

Woman: "Have you found the problem?"

OBGYN: "No, but this here is delicious."

- or -

Tickles Brick Tickles: "Honey! Come back! I thought you would enjoy it!"

Woman: "Why?"

Tickles Brick Tickles: "At least your twat doesn't smell like fish."

- or -

Ape: "Wunhh wunhh wooo wooo!"

Woman (to self): "O, why did I ever have sex with an ape? He has no idea what goes where!"
by scorpionmintred October 22, 2008
 
2.
1. Angry cow. (Possibly see your mom).

2. BSE; Rots the brains of cows and jerks who eat cow brains. (Possibly see Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Or was that monkey brains? Whatever, it's feking weird anyway).

3. Giant lesbian who thinks she's hot. When you yank on her quadruple D breasts, she does not notice it because they're dragging on the floor already. But for some reason, skinny hot lesbians find her attractive, but she is mad because men still exist, and her vagina cannot be found by said skinny hot lesbian. If you are a man, she will not appreciate you existing.
Your mom might be mad cow type one, but she can't be mad cow type two unless your dad had sex with a straight woman who carried you to term. Unless you are a girl, then your mom may be touching you when you're asleep, on the boobies, perhaps.
by scorpionmintred December 30, 2003
 
3.
A pump consisting of a screw within a cylinder. When the screw is turned, water is moved from one end to the other.

-- or --

When Archimedes has sex with his wife.

-- or --

When you yell 'eureka' upon ejaculating.

-- or --

An ancient invention that can be used in the vagina to evacuate excess menses.
In an incredibly archane reference to an ancient invention, a sexual double entendre is achieved.
by scorpionmintred November 19, 2004
 
4.
The vagina of an asian woman. Especially a chinese woman.
Her slanty snatch looked normal to all other chinese people because their eyes are slanted in the opposite direction.
by scorpionmintred December 28, 2003
 
5.
1. The feces a monkey exudes.
2. The feces your mom exudes.
3. The act of throwing feces at your nemesis, or simply someone who disagrees with you.
Boss: "You should work overtime this weekend."
Worker: {Poops in underwear.}
Boss: "What is that smell?"
Worker: {Throws poop at boss.} "You."

- or -

Man: "Give me head now, woman!"
Woman: "No, I am on the rag, and I am a giant bitch. I may as well be a lesbian."
Man: {Poops his bed.}
Woman: "Why did you just poop the bed?"
Man: {Throws feces at woman.} "Give me head."

- or -

Supermarket Clerk: "Why are you buying so many tampons?"
Bag Boy: "Seriously, are you on the rag or what?"
Menstruating Woman: {Lifts skirt and sprays diarrhea while rotating.} "Yes."

- or -

Lesbian 1: "Why is my fist covered in poop?"
Lesbian 2: "Wrong hole."
by scorpionmintred December 30, 2003
 
6.
A proper noun used in place of calling someone "Jewish" for being cheap.
Sarcasm Master: "Why don't you spring for the large fries, Count Von Pennies?"
by scorpionmintred December 28, 2003
 
7.
1. When a woman's period begins at an inopportune time.

2. When a woman's period blood comes out all clotted and chunky, and a man observes it.

3. When a woman's vagina bleeds, and somehow the blood gets on your mother.
1. I was going down on that bitch when suddenly instead of pussy juices, blood started gushing all over my face giving me a clown moustache. That's some unfortunate menses.

2. That meatball stew was some unfortunate menses.

3. My mother hates unfortunate menses, but your mom loves it.
by scorpionmintred December 28, 2003