mad cow

1. Angry cow. (Possibly see your mom).

2. BSE; Rots the brains of cows and jerks who eat cow brains. (Possibly see Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Or was that monkey brains? Whatever, it's feking weird anyway).

3. Giant lesbian who thinks she's hot. When you yank on her quadruple D breasts, she does not notice it because they're dragging on the floor already. But for some reason, skinny hot lesbians find her attractive, but she is mad because men still exist, and her vagina cannot be found by said skinny hot lesbian. If you are a man, she will not appreciate you existing.
Your mom might be mad cow type one, but she can't be mad cow type two unless your dad had sex with a straight woman who carried you to term. Unless you are a girl, then your mom may be touching you when you're asleep, on the boobies, perhaps.
by scorpionmintred December 30, 2003
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Easter Basket

General term for all of the parts of a woman related to the storage and dispersal of eggs, including the ovaries, uterus, and vagina.
Woman: "Ow! That bitch just kicked me right in the Easter Basket!"

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Art Critic: "Damn, Picasso, I've never before seen a square Easter Basket".

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OBGYN: "I haven't seen an Easter Basket this messed up since my mom got the egg dye mixed up with the pancake batter".

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ER Doctor: (Removing fragments of chicken-egg shells from inside a woman's vagina) "You really aren't clear on the concept, are you?"
by scorpionmintred February 17, 2010
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Asskerchief

A pornographic sub-genre similar to cake farts wherein a person blows their nose into the open anus of another person. While the method of sexual gratification is unclear, it provides great humor to those involved.
"The asskerchief is an inefficient way to clear one's nasal passages."

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Man: "I asked my wife if I could asskerchief her, like I saw on the internet."

Friend: "What did she say?"

Man: "She laughed at me and filed for divorce."

Friend: "That seems excessive."

Man: "Well I'm also a terrible husband."

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Man: "I searched for asskerchief and then promptly decided to go back to normal porn."

Friend: "Normal?"

Man: "Well... MORE normal."
by scorpionmintred March 13, 2019
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ass crayon

When a woman is passed out, either from her own actions or by way of your rufies, the act of fucking her in the ass wildly and then drawing doodles on her sheets using your feces-stained penis.

These actions may be repeated until said drawing is complete.
That passed out bitch didn't appreciate that I ass crayoned her bed.
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I have a wicked yeast infection in my foreskin from using my ass crayon too much.
by scorpionmintred December 28, 2003
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glasscock

1. A phalis made of glass.
2. A rooster made of glass.
3. A road in Mission, TX.
1. That glasscock was ribbed for added pleasure.

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1. That trophy being kissed by that woman may look like a glasscock, but it is not.

2. My grandmother had numerous glasscocks on display in her curio cabinet when I was a child.

3. Damn, Glasscock Road is a long road. We should find out more about it at www.mintred.com/article/122/ .
by scorpionmintred May 03, 2007
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archimedes screw

A pump consisting of a screw within a cylinder. When the screw is turned, water is moved from one end to the other.

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When Archimedes has sex with his wife.

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When you yell 'eureka' upon ejaculating.

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An ancient invention that can be used in the vagina to evacuate excess menses.
In an incredibly archane reference to an ancient invention, a sexual double entendre is achieved.
by scorpionmintred November 19, 2004
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poor man's menses

1. When a man is a fiend for having sex whilst the woman is on the rag, but cannot find himself a menstruating woman, he secretly squirts ketchup into the woman's vaginal canal before sex.

2. When a man's girlfriend is not on the pill, and he wants to cum inside her when she isn't actually on the rag. He secretly squirts ketchup inside her vaginal canal whilst she sleeps so she wakes up thinking she has her period.
Woman: "My entire reproductive tract is ruined from poor man's menses".

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Woman: "I don't know how I keep getting pregnant while I'm on the rag!"
Man: "Maybe it's all the poor man's menses I've been squirting inside you?"

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Abortionist: "What the hell is that??"
Woman: "Poor man's menses and a week-old fetus?"

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OBGYN: "What the hell is that?"
Woman: "I don't know, but it goes great with french fries!"

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OBGYN: "Damn, this goes well with french fries!"
by scorpionmintred December 28, 2003
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