nigel fleming's definitions

rag monster

An annoying female who gives the impression that she is always on her period. They stomp around tutting all day, have mood swings constantly and will snap and cry at the slightest provocation. If you think you are currently seeing one of these ladies, get rid!

Neil: I can't take it anymore, she's doing my head in all the time, everyday.
Nigel: I warned you there'd be trouble with her, she's one of the biggest rag monsters I've had the misfortune of ever meeting!

by Nigel Fleming July 18, 2006

abort a turd

The act of expelling a shit early, before it is naturally ready to be given birth to. Such an act results in excrutiating pain and usually an increase in blood pressure, rather than the euphoric sensation experienced when dropping a turd as nature planned.

Christ on a bike, that curry last night was so hot I had to abort a turd, it absolutely killed!

by Nigel Fleming July 9, 2006

wank mop

Basically, whatever is suitable and close to hand to clean up the mess after a spontaneous, off the cuff, wank. Items such as socks, towels and if necessary, cushion covers will fit the bill for this purpose.

I got myself into a right mess last night,I'd ran out of toilet roll so I had to use my sock as a wank mop.

by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006

albino turd

A white or cream coloured turd. Often dismissed as an urban legend, I assure you, these gems do exist. Very rare and the source of much amusement to all who see one, they usually make themselves apparant in the work place or at school.

I could have laughed myself silly seeing that albino turd in the school toilets, what a sight!

by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006

dead egg

A particularlt revolting smell expelled from your anus that has the aroma of a rotten, dying egg.

Oh my God, can you smell that? Some bastard has just dropped a dead egg!

by Nigel Fleming July 6, 2006

rouse

A Northerners term for a rodent that has the appearance of a mouse from the front, but the long tail of a rat, hence rouse. Seldom seen before nightfall, these shy beasts feed on scraps of waste from Kebab shops and pizza parlours.

I saw what looked like a cross between a mouse and a rat outside that kebab shop last night, I think it was a rouse, bastard thing!

by Nigel Fleming July 15, 2006

do a radcliffe

Noun: To squat down, completely out of the blue, to the shock and disgust of everybody, and proceed to piss everywhere without a care in the world.

Sonya: Fucking hell I'm completely pissed after those beers, I'm just gonna pop over there and do a radcliffe.
Noreen: You fucking dirty bitch, where's your self respect?
Sonya: Ha, that was left in my mothers womb along with my brains when they pulled my sorry arse out!

by Nigel Fleming August 5, 2006