nigel fleming's definitions
The act of masterbating in secret without anybody noticing. Usually done behind a bush or whilst peering through a gap in the blinds, looking directly at the subject of your filthy attention. A real art when perfected.
I saw a cracking looking girl on the sidewalk outside my house yesterday and couldn't resist knocking off a crafty wank from my bedroom as she stood there!
by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006
Get the crafty wankmug. An annoying female who gives the impression that she is always on her period. They stomp around tutting all day, have mood swings constantly and will snap and cry at the slightest provocation. If you think you are currently seeing one of these ladies, get rid!
Neil: I can't take it anymore, she's doing my head in all the time, everyday.
Nigel: I warned you there'd be trouble with her, she's one of the biggest rag monsters I've had the misfortune of ever meeting!
Nigel: I warned you there'd be trouble with her, she's one of the biggest rag monsters I've had the misfortune of ever meeting!
by Nigel Fleming July 18, 2006
Get the rag monstermug. The act of masterbating after not having had sex with your partner, but not just anywhere, no, this is done in the same bed as your other half! One must be as quiet as possible so as not to wake up your partner and being caught can results in serious consequences ranging from repulsion to rejection, as I have found out to my cost!
Heh, Nigel, did you get any action last night from your lady?
No chance, that frigid bitch wasn't giving out at all, I had a frustrated wank instead and to be honest, I enjoyed it more than sex!
No chance, that frigid bitch wasn't giving out at all, I had a frustrated wank instead and to be honest, I enjoyed it more than sex!
by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006
Get the frustrated wankmug. An especially annoying piece of faecal matter that will try its damndest to stay in your anus, as if clinging on to life itself. Blood vesels may be burst trying to shift one of these bastards, be careful!
Oh my God, half an hour it took me to drop that stubborn turd from my arse, but boy was it worth the wait!
by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006
Get the stubborn turdmug. The act of expelling a shit early, before it is naturally ready to be given birth to. Such an act results in excrutiating pain and usually an increase in blood pressure, rather than the euphoric sensation experienced when dropping a turd as nature planned.
by Nigel Fleming July 9, 2006
Get the abort a turdmug. A Northerners term for a rodent that has the appearance of a mouse from the front, but the long tail of a rat, hence rouse. Seldom seen before nightfall, these shy beasts feed on scraps of waste from Kebab shops and pizza parlours.
I saw what looked like a cross between a mouse and a rat outside that kebab shop last night, I think it was a rouse, bastard thing!
by Nigel Fleming July 15, 2006
Get the rousemug. Noun: To squat down, completely out of the blue, to the shock and disgust of everybody, and proceed to piss everywhere without a care in the world.
Sonya: Fucking hell I'm completely pissed after those beers, I'm just gonna pop over there and do a radcliffe.
Noreen: You fucking dirty bitch, where's your self respect?
Sonya: Ha, that was left in my mothers womb along with my brains when they pulled my sorry arse out!
Noreen: You fucking dirty bitch, where's your self respect?
Sonya: Ha, that was left in my mothers womb along with my brains when they pulled my sorry arse out!
by Nigel Fleming August 5, 2006
Get the do a radcliffemug.