Definitions by me old fruity

Dignified burial at sea 

A euphemism for the act of defecation. Coined after Osama Bin Laden's 'dignified burial at sea'.

Taking a shit, dropping the kids off at the pool, laying cable, cutting off a length of dirty spine

Fred: "Where the hell is Dave? He's been gone ages!".
Dave: "Sorry about that guys, I had to perform a 'dignified burial at sea!'"

Dignified burial at sea by me old fruity July 18, 2011

Going to see Paul 

A euphemism for the act of defecation. Based upon the Glade 'Touch 'n' Fresh' advert where the boy will only do a poo at his friend Paul's house.

Taking a shit, laying cable, cutting off a length of dirty spine

Just going to see Paul, be back in 10!

Going to see Paul by me old fruity July 18, 2011

fruit loops 

crazy people. you know, the ones that stand on street corners wearing foil round their heads jabbering on that the government is intercepting their thoughts.

'thats the third time today that someone has thrown a cat at me. are the fruit loops on day release fromn the funny farm or something?'

fruit loops by me old fruity July 20, 2008

ace of spades 

a dump which requires only a one sheet wipe afterwards

gary was pleased that his abstaining from curry and beans had led to an increase in frequency of the hallowed 'ace of spades', thereby saving him enough money on toilet paper to buy a hummer.

ace of spades by me old fruity January 4, 2007

muppet show 

a group of morons in close proximity, behaving as morons do. the muppet show can often be seen at said morons natural habitats, such as:

1. chav infested shopping centres on saturdays
2. 'up town' on a friday night outside a nightclub
3. political gathrings, especially if George W Bush is in the vacinity (though he is by no means the only culprit, just the biggest.)

person a: why has that lad got bounced from a nightclub for being blatantly underage, staggered into the road swearing, flashed his arse at the police and got arrested whilst his fat girlfriend screams and hammers the riot van with her fists?

person b: the muppet show must be in town.

muppet show by me old fruity January 4, 2007

fannytastic 

like fantastic but much cooler with much more emphasis. it must be pronounced with emphasis too. it is most commonly used in, but not limited to, the discussion of lady parts and/or lesbians.

The vicar of Dibley, Geraldine, said to Alice that shagging model Rachel Hunter would be 'fannytastic'.

fannytastic by me old fruity November 8, 2006

Up the Bum 

anal sex, and the prelude to an amusing rhyme which kids at school write on each others textbooks to get their friends in trouble:

up the bum, no harm done!

additions:
with a thumb, twice as fun!
with ya mum, watch me cum!

Up the Bum by me old fruity October 1, 2006