52 definitions by jamie douglas
A full frontal lobotomy is a form of psychosurgery. It consists of cutting the connections to and from, or simply destroying, the prefrontal cortex. This brain region has been implicated in planning complex cognitive behaviours, personality expression and moderating correct social behavior.
These procedures often result in major personality changes. Lobotomies have been used in the past to treat a wide range of mental illnesses including schizophrenia, clinical depression, and various anxiety disorders.
Celebrities who have had this procedure include Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cuckoo Nest, golfer Jack Nicklaus, Prince William and President George W Bush.
The distinguishing mark of someone who has had a full frontal lobotomy is a nice pair of scars around the temples. The survival rate of the operation was vastly increased after the discovery of the lead pipe, which could be used to knock patients unconscious before the operation and meant surgery was no longer performed on people who were awake.
The full frontal lobotomy has long been criticized by the medical profession, as many are repulsed at the idea of destroying healthy tissue. The procedure while seemingly barbaric has been found particularly effective in controlling politicians.
Tesco began offering full frontal lobotomies with a four pack of tinned spaghetti in 1999.
These procedures often result in major personality changes. Lobotomies have been used in the past to treat a wide range of mental illnesses including schizophrenia, clinical depression, and various anxiety disorders.
Celebrities who have had this procedure include Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cuckoo Nest, golfer Jack Nicklaus, Prince William and President George W Bush.
The distinguishing mark of someone who has had a full frontal lobotomy is a nice pair of scars around the temples. The survival rate of the operation was vastly increased after the discovery of the lead pipe, which could be used to knock patients unconscious before the operation and meant surgery was no longer performed on people who were awake.
The full frontal lobotomy has long been criticized by the medical profession, as many are repulsed at the idea of destroying healthy tissue. The procedure while seemingly barbaric has been found particularly effective in controlling politicians.
Tesco began offering full frontal lobotomies with a four pack of tinned spaghetti in 1999.
"Let's go to the supermarket for some pasta and a full frontal lobotomy."
Patient: "Doctor I received this injury while drinking last night."
Doctor: "That seems to be an unidentified drinking injury. The only known cure is a full frontal lobotomy."
Jimmy's Mum: "Jimmy, you've hardly said a word since your lobotomy."
Jimmy: "Mhhwuahhg."
Patient: "Doctor I received this injury while drinking last night."
Doctor: "That seems to be an unidentified drinking injury. The only known cure is a full frontal lobotomy."
Jimmy's Mum: "Jimmy, you've hardly said a word since your lobotomy."
Jimmy: "Mhhwuahhg."
by jamie douglas November 23, 2006
A time of week, originating from mathematicians in the northern town of Sheffield, when all pens must be dropped, all PC's powered down and the weekend must kick in.
friday @ 5 must be accompanied by beer drinking, music playing, bar snack munching and general chat about anything but work.
Acceptable topics of conversation include movies, art, sport, music, politics, travel, family, science, literature, food & drink, etc..
friday @ 5 must be accompanied by beer drinking, music playing, bar snack munching and general chat about anything but work.
Acceptable topics of conversation include movies, art, sport, music, politics, travel, family, science, literature, food & drink, etc..
by jamie douglas February 23, 2007
Having a cock the size of an electron.
An electron has no definite size and a mass of approximately 10^-34 Kg. Approximately 0.0000000000000000000000000000000006 Kg.
You see where I'm going with this ...
An electron has no definite size and a mass of approximately 10^-34 Kg. Approximately 0.0000000000000000000000000000000006 Kg.
You see where I'm going with this ...
Jimmy's winkie was so small that Felicity described him as an electron cock.
"Let's go poke fun at the physicists for all having electron cocks!"
"Let's go poke fun at the physicists for all having electron cocks!"
by jamie douglas November 22, 2006
Contrary to the actual words used, a cry baby neither cries nor is an infant, but is a fully grown adult who whines too much and should know better.
A cry baby will normally complain about the most petty things, like there being no packets of brown sugar on their hotel room tea tray, the fact the train is four minutes late, and being dumped by their significant other.
The only acceptable way to deal with a cry baby is to pretend to physically cry when they start complaining, by rubbing ones eyes and quivering ones bottom lip in a totally OTT manner, followed by the put-down "don't cry about it".
A cry baby will normally complain about the most petty things, like there being no packets of brown sugar on their hotel room tea tray, the fact the train is four minutes late, and being dumped by their significant other.
The only acceptable way to deal with a cry baby is to pretend to physically cry when they start complaining, by rubbing ones eyes and quivering ones bottom lip in a totally OTT manner, followed by the put-down "don't cry about it".
Tubs: "Can you believe it, there's no haddock left down the chippy!"
Edward: "Boo-hoo, don't cry about it, cry baby!"
Edward: "Boo-hoo, don't cry about it, cry baby!"
by jamie douglas September 6, 2006
When your whole world caves in on top of you (metaphorically or physically), you can be described as being crushed.
You can be crushed by large weights, but the most painful type of 'crushing' for a man is when he is smitten with a young lady over a long period of time (a co-worker or flatmate for example), only to be rejected when he attempts to initate a relationship. Normally a man crushed in such a way will be inconsolable for a few weeks, and will probably never recover. The only way for a man to avoid being crushed in such a way is to avoid ever getting emotionally close to a woman, and as such lead a lonely but un-crushable existance.
Women, being the apostles of Satan, are not crushable in this way. But they are crushable physically.
You can be crushed by large weights, but the most painful type of 'crushing' for a man is when he is smitten with a young lady over a long period of time (a co-worker or flatmate for example), only to be rejected when he attempts to initate a relationship. Normally a man crushed in such a way will be inconsolable for a few weeks, and will probably never recover. The only way for a man to avoid being crushed in such a way is to avoid ever getting emotionally close to a woman, and as such lead a lonely but un-crushable existance.
Women, being the apostles of Satan, are not crushable in this way. But they are crushable physically.
by jamie douglas September 3, 2006
Jack: "Hey Bill, have you seen the new girl Sharon?"
Bill: "Yeah Jack, but I hear she's got real supermarket legs!"
Bill: "Yeah Jack, but I hear she's got real supermarket legs!"
by jamie douglas September 24, 2006
Someone who acts like a jerk. The kind of person who would wipe his spaff-stained hands on your muffin while you go for a jimmy.
Someone who dinged your car and didn't leave a note - tossweasel
Someone who gives your kids loads of sugary fizzy drinks before bedtime - tossweasel
Someone who aspires to act like Dick Cheney - tossweasel
Someone who gives your kids loads of sugary fizzy drinks before bedtime - tossweasel
Someone who aspires to act like Dick Cheney - tossweasel
by jamie douglas March 8, 2007