Definitions by hmcdesq

Silence of the Spams 

The long silence you hear when you answer your phone, thinking it is likely a work call, before the spammer actually clicks onto the call to sell you something you don't want or need.

Phone rings.

I answer.
Me: "Hello."
Silence
Me: Hello?
Silence
Silence
Spammer: "Hello, is this Ms. (mispronounces my name)? How are you today?"
I hang up.

Co-worker: "Who was that?"
Me: "It was the Silence of the Spams."

Silence of the Spams by hmcdesq December 6, 2022

hyperfoodilate

Inability to breathe due to overeating.

"I ate too much at the barbecue and now I have shortness of breath. I should have turned down dessert before it caused me to hyperfoodilate!"

hyperfoodilate by hmcdesq March 16, 2022

ewlyweds 

A newly paired couple that is overly affectionate in public, offending those around them.

Did you see the ewlyweds in the bar? They were groping each other all night!

ewlyweds by hmcdesq March 7, 2022

flip a gizzard 

to lose one's temper in a physical, visceral way, including ranting, raving, arm-waving and red face

If you are late with that report, your boss is going to flip a gizzard.

flip a gizzard by hmcdesq November 9, 2018

self-crunchious 

the awkward feeling when you are eating something very crunchy in a crowded but very quiet room

It is too quiet in here to eat carrots. It makes me feel self-crunchious.

self-crunchious by hmcdesq October 11, 2018

Fortress of Stupitude 

the impenetrable shell in which dwell people who's superstitious beliefs and/or antiquated opinions are unswayed by science, evidence, and irrefutable proof.

Don't bother trying to explain evolution to that guy. I've tried for years. Even our college professors gave up. He's listened to too much Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh and watched too much Fox News. Now he lives in a Fortress of Stupitude.

Fortress of Stupitude by hmcdesq February 19, 2015

truck buddy

A friend with access to a truck who will haul stuff for you when the need arises, no strings attached.

I need a load of mulch for my flower garden. I'll call my truck buddy Brent to take me to the nursery to get it in his pick-up!

truck buddy by hmcdesq December 17, 2014