15 definitions by garthy

An item of literature that aids relaxation
Playboy, Penthouse, Razzle, The Pants and Bra section of Littlewoods catalogue, The back of a Special K box, family holiday photos could all be used as a self help manual
by Garthy September 19, 2006
1. Masturbation. 2. n. Rubbish. e.g. "Don't talk wank". 3. v. To masturbate. As in "My brother wanks all the time and he's got perfect eyesight".
As in "If you have a wank every day you'll go blind".
by garthy July 08, 2006
A jazz or scud magazine; one handed reading material.
"Hey Gordon, wheres the art pamphlets, Cherie's on the blob and i'm gonna have to knock one out before I address Parliament on climate change". "There in the shitter where you left them Tony, you fucking twat"
by Garthy September 19, 2006

Flaccid penis which cannot be funnelled into a condom.
As in "Sorry love, I've got loose sausage meat ".
by Garthy September 19, 2006
A twat which makes a mouse's ear look like a horse's collar
`Consigniawas powerless to resist. His eyes burnt into hers like like ambers. His muscular arms enfolded her her body as she felt herself being swept away on a tradewind of passion. "Now Fernando," she gasped "Take me now. All these years in the convent i've been saving myself for the right man, and now i've found you." "Fucking get," breathed Fernando. "you must have a snatch like a mole's eye." (from `The Nun and the Windowcleaner` by Barbara Cartland
by Garthy September 19, 2006
Beneath the bedclothes after someone has played ‘Reveille' on the botty bugle.
"A Dutch Oven is the art of cooking ones partners' head beneath the bedclothes using cabbage-gas, made popular by Emperor Julius Ceaser during the hieght of Roman rule in Europe". (Adam Hart-Davies, from the popular TV series 'What the Romans did for us, 2003')
by Garthy September 19, 2006
A term to describe a Happy Shopper, or Betty Both. One who bowls from both the Pavillion and the members' end. Half rice, Half Chips.
'Birthdays:David Bowie, formerly Pork and Beans, now just beans, singer, 56 today' ('The Times' Jan 8th, 2003)
by Garthy September 19, 2006
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