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dr. badwrench's definitions

Captain of the Carpet Ship

A title bestowed upon one who is drunk and passed out on the floor, like they are piloting the carpet.
Shit, man! You were Captain of the Carpet Ship last night.
by Dr. Badwrench September 22, 2006
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pickled Jesus candles

Those tall jar candles with the bizarre, often gruesome, Catholic iconography on the outside of the jar. Usually found at Mexican markets, religious gift stores, and the ethnic food section at the supermarket.
Shop 'n' Rob in Bay Point has a great selection of pickled Jesus candles.

No, I'm not Catholic, I just like pickled Jesus candles.
by Dr. Badwrench July 12, 2007
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Sportster

All-time best street bike ever built. Introduced by Harley Davidson in 1957 to combat the invading British Triumphs, Nortons and BSAs on the track and on the street. The best selling middleweight motorcycle in history.

Unique among Harleys, the Sportster engine and transmission are in one case, whereas the so-called Big Twins have a seperate transmission case. Pre 1986 Sportsters featured iron heads and are called (DUH!) Ironheads. '86 to present are the next generation Evolution, or Evo, Sportster and feature alloy heads and a 5-speed transmission. The most recent models feature rubber-mounted engines.

Sportster-based motorcycles have dominated flat-track racing since the late 1960s. Many early choppers and customs were built from Sportsters, as well as land speed record bikes.

Calling a Sportster a "girl's bike" or "Shortster" may result in a visit to a dentist.
Lots of Yuppie Softail wankers ignore the fact an 883 Sportster makes almost as many horses as their Evo Big Twin, but the Sporty is two hundred pounds lighter. No contest, Sportsters kick ass!
by Dr. Badwrench July 10, 2006
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scar merchant

An amateur tattooist or "professional" of bad reputation and low-quality (and low priced) work. Usually an amateur or "a friend who works out of their house", scar merchants, or scratchers are unschooled, unsanitary and generally a big mistake. Going to one is literally buying a scar.
Dude, fuck that guy! Billy Bob is a scar merchant. Go to Tattoo City on Lombard for good work.
by Dr. Badwrench November 8, 2007
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shit shark

a person employed to pump out and clean septic tanks or portable toilets
I can't believe Joe makes $22 an hour. He's a fuckin' shit shark.

Union job, dude.
by Dr. Badwrench September 22, 2006
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wooden music

Acoustic music, from the largely wood instruments such as acoustic guitars and basses, banjos, fiddles, dobros, etc.
Acoustic Sunrise on KFOG plays a lot of great wooden music.
by Dr. Badwrench March 29, 2008
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Murphy scam

A robbery scam where a woman poses as a prostitute and lures the john/mark into a room. When they are in bed, the woman's male partner rushes in, usually brandishing a gun and posing as a jealous husband or jilted lover. The mark leaves in a hurry, without his clothes or valuables. The perpetrators, or "Murphy artists" collect their loot and escape.

A similar version was used in the movie Porky's as a prank involving a black guy with a machete, chasing the naked crew into the woods.
New Orleans used to be the capital of the Murphy scam.
by Dr. Badwrench February 22, 2008
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