15 definitions by danw

If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...

UNIX Airways

Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Air DOS

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on...

Mac Airlines

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Windows XP Air

You turn up at the airport,which is under contract to only allow XP Air planes. All the aircraft are identical, brightly coloured and three times as big as they need to be. The signs are huge and all point the same way. Whichever way you go, someone pops up dressed in a cloak and pointed hat insisting you follow him. Your luggage and clothes are taken off you and replaced with an XP Air suit and suitcase identical to everyone around you as this is included in the exorbitant ticket cost. The aircraft will not take off until you have signed a contract. The inflight entertainment promised turns out to be the same Mickey Mouse cartoon repeated over and over again. You have to phone your travel agent before you can have a meal or drink. You are searched regularly throughout the flight. If you go to the toilet twice or more you get charged for a new ticket. No matter what destination you booked you will always end up crash landing at Whistler in Canada.

Linux Air

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself.

When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

Christian holiday moved to conflict with the time of year when everyone everywhere (and everywhen) celebrates the winter solstice (point of Earth's orbit where, in the northern temperate zones, the sun's zenith slows its southern decent and begins moving north again = another year to live).

2. Hodgepodge of ancient and not-so-ancient rituals, including sacrificing a tree to Mother Nature, celebrating the miracle that got Nicholas his sainthood (reassembling murdered and hacked up child parts in a barrel back into children), and, oh, the birth of Jesus, a jew, and the guy that made 12 of his buddies drink his blood and eat his flesh, before he got executed and came back from the dead. (Can you say "zombie"?)

3. Day that Santa brings new socks and undies. If your bad, you get coal (to keep from freezing) and an orange (for vitamin C to prevent scurvy).

Mid-west country-folk (see hilljack) slang for nosy or prying. (Gladys Kravitz syndrom from _Bewitched_)

the act of sexual intercourse with a woman old enough to be your mother

Male (may or may not be gay/bi) who masturbates by auto-anal penetration.

Society for persons posessing intelligence quotients at least four full standard deviations above the mean. This means they are smarter than 99.997% of the population, and have an IQ of 164. But they are still dumber than the Six Nines Society, where you have to be smarter than 99.9999%, or one out of a million, meaning in a world of six billion, there are six thousand of them, and about 1,500 in China.

A image one meditates on while doing yoga.