ctrlu's definitions

Swedish holiday

masturbating in public

Police Officer: What are you doing, sir?
Perv: I'm on a Swedish holiday.
Police Officer: Yeah, this isn't Sweden. I'm arresting you.

by ctrlU September 19, 2013

big mac

n. A unit of evil or unhealthiness against which all other things are measured.

1. Twice the calories than a big mac
2. Half the fat than a big mac
3. One eighth the sodium than a big mac
4. More racist than a big mac
5. Ten times more radiation than a big mac
6. More unprotected sex than a big mac
7. More greedy than a big mac
8. 18 more mpg than a big mac
9. Bigger boobs than a big mac
10. half as ugly as a big mac
11. More deadly than two big macs
12. Smells like a steaming heap of big macs

etc.

by ctrlU May 5, 2011

shit yer snatch

To completely overreact to a situation. Obviously meant to apply to women but doubly effective when applied to a man, implying they are, in fact, actually a woman.

Thomas: We're going to be late again! We have to leave and you're still sorting mail and need a wash!

Percy: Ok, don't shit yer snatch! The fat controller can wait two minutes!

by ctrlU October 20, 2010

serious

Used to differentiate between the two most common reasons for visiting the loo. Allows for open discussion of bathroom activities in public or in mixed company.

n. a bowel movement

v. to defecate

Bill: I need to go to the bathroom before we leave.
Tina: Is it serious?
Bill: Yes!
Tina: Then we'll never get out of here!

-or-

Bill: I know you're still putting on your makeup in here but I gotta go serious!

-or

Bill (with newspaper tucked under arm): I'll be back in 20 minutes, I have to conduct some serious research.

by ctrlU January 26, 2010

ILHAT

I Laughed Hard At That / This /Those

Thomas: Did you see that video with the dancing monkey?

Percy: ILHAT

by ctrlU February 18, 2011

t'whittle

v. to edit a finished Tweet or SMS text message with the goal of reducing the content to 140 characters or less.

cont.: "text" and "whittle".

1. Conversational:

Bill: Are you still sending that text message? What's taking so long?
Sam: I have to t'whittle it.

2. The message:

Good Morning! I saw you last night but didn't get a chance to say "Hi!" I hope your trip was successful and that you'll be joining us this Saturday at Phil and Jenny's place after the kids finish their rehearsal.

is t'whittled to become:

G'morning! Saw you last night from afar, hope your trip was good. We're @ Phil and Jenny's this Sat. after rehearsal, you?

by ctrlU November 11, 2011

Chunkle Fever

a skinny person's new-found preference after discovering the mind-blowing superiority of plus-sized sex partners.

Al: That girl is so hot, is that fat guy her brother?
Bob: Nah, that's her boyfriend, she's got Chunkle Fever

or

Richard: Check the giant booty on that one!
Wayne: Aw yeah...
Richard: Bro, you got Chunkle Fever

by ctrlU November 7, 2012