the main character in all the books of the same name. the stories go like this:
harry potter and the philosopher's stone: harry is being happily beaten at home with his ace aunt and uncle (who adopted him, the ungrateful little prick), when he gets yanked away by some fat giant to a wizarding school. Consequently, he gets bullied and the shit beaten out of him my a guy called malfoy. then he beats his arch enemy (some lord called voldermort who kicked dirty wizard ass before that little prick stopped him) by... wait for it... touching him.
harry potter and the chamber of secrets: he goes back to the school and crashes a car on his way. instead of getting expelled, the bitch gets awarded 900 house points. then he kills a cat, but no-one cares cos he's a celebrity, then he kills a snake by pulling a sword out of a hat. the snake bites him, but he doesn't die ebcause a bird starts crying.
harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban: some messed-up dude starts hunting some potter ass, and harry shits his pants. the killer turns out to be his god-father who is on his side, then he turns into a dog and saves harry from a bunch of ninja ghosts that try to tongue harry. then the godfather flies away with this horse/snake/eagle thing.
harry potter and the goblet of fire: he gets entered in a competition by someone, and he cheats his way through, and then he goes into a maze at the end and touches something, which takes him to a place where voldemort is, and a friend who came with him gets his shit messed up and dies. harry shits his pants and almost gets eaten by some snake, then his dead parents become ghosts and eat voldemort, and he runs away back to the maze. then some dude with a glass eye fucks up his shit and almost gets away with it, but instead the very plausible "truth serum" is used and tells all and fills all the plot holes.
the fifth one: he goes to a house, his friend's mum goes on a drug trip and thinks her son is dead, then he goes back to school. at school, he starts hearing voices, the psychotic twat, and then he tells someone his friend's dad is dead. then he runs to the place, and it turns out he was tricked and there's a showdown with all these dirt wizards versus evil, ass-kicking wizards. the evil ones lose but harry's godfather dies by falling into a down a really, really deep hole.
dumbledore: harry... you've been crap. you wrecked a car, killed a cat, hit a tree, broke the stadium, shat on my foot, ate hermione, and killed that snake. So, I award you with 5007 house points.
harry: what? can you repeat that? sorry, I was humping ron.
December 10, 2004