colin cummerbund's definitions

Doing a Searby

Going to the pub during your work lunch-break and consuming a meat pie and at least four pints of beer. The effect is doubled if the person doing a Searby has grey curly hair.

Oi, Dave. Are you going to the canteen for lunch?

No, I'm doing a Searby.

by Colin Cummerbund September 21, 2006

Briggsy dogging

A variety of dogging popular in arty circles. Instead of using cars the homosexual participants arrive on penny-farthings and bugger each other senseless.

Oi queer boy. Why the big bike.

Oh, I'm off for a bit of Briggsy dogging in Clumber Park.

by Colin Cummerbund September 21, 2006

Briggsy Ploughman's

A hearty meal served in gay bars. Usually consists of a lump of mature nob cheese with arse pickle, thickly-sliced bread and pork pie with semen relish. Regional variations can include a rats-cock side dish with diarrhoea drizzle.

Come on Quentin, let's go to The Pink Dildo for a Briggsy Ploughman's. I'm bloody starving after that rimming session.

by Colin Cummerbund September 18, 2006

Briggsy Brothel

A type of Brothel worked by only the oldest, ugliest and most disease-riddled prostitutes. These women can't do business with regular clients as they are so repulsive no one would pay for them. Instead they are condemned to a Briggsy Brothel where only the oldest, ugliest and most disease-riddled clients go. Regular prostitutes won't do business with these clients as they are so repellant. Thus the Briggsy Brothel matches up hideous hookers with repulsive johns. The BB is such a niche profession that the hookers are frequently idle. These disused prostitutional wastes pass the time by exchanging treasured possessions such as genital warts and fanny slugs.

What's that building the Dwarf's entering?

Aah that'll be a Briggsy Brothel.

by Colin Cummerbund September 8, 2006

Briggsy's Art Police

Otherwise known as Briggsy's Gay Mafia. A bunch of pretentious artists who punish the non-arty. They march through cities and verbally abuse anyone who dares to walk past an art gallery without going in and jizzing their pants in artistic excitement. Briggsy's Art Police is made up of all the artists who have been anally pleasured by Briggsy and who worship the dwarf as their god.

Better not walk past Tate Modern without going in. Briggsy's Art Police will be patrolling and I don't fancy being harangued by a gaggle of mincing queers.

by Colin Cummerbund September 18, 2006

Briggsy's Special Lube

Acne pus. Used by pretentious artists as gay-love lube.

Briggsy: Why pay for vaseline when my beautiful face produces copious amounts of Briggsy's Special Lube free of charge?

by Colin Cummerbund October 18, 2006

Briggsy Prize

An art prize for artists too obscure and ludicrous for even the Turner Prize. Entrants for the Briggsy Prize have included a lamb chop stuffed inside a small child's mitten, the word "talent" written on an Etch-a-sketch and a Christmas card torn in half next to a copy of the Scunthorpe Yellow Pages.

Art critic: What piece are you currently working on?

Artist: I've got a polystyrene box which I've painted purple and filled with baked apples. It represents the pain and despair of missing a phone call when you're in the shower.

Art critic: Should make the shortlist for the Briggsy Prize.

by Colin Cummerbund December 14, 2006