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colin cummerbund's definitions

Briggsy Does Brighton

A legendary homosexual porno film starring gay artist Briggsy. The movie opens with Briggsy hitching a lift to England's gay capital in a caravan. On arrival he buggers his way through the city's gay clubs. A particularly memorable scene shows the arty dwarf bumming a Portuguese trans-sexual over a bar stool whilst a fruity-looking barman douses him with a soda syphon.
Fruity queen: So Briggsy, what title did you give your film in which you do Brighton? Something really clever?

Briggsy: Of course. I decided to call it "Briggsy Does Brighton"
by Colin Cummerbund December 9, 2006
mugGet the Briggsy Does Brightonmug.

Briggsy jobbie

The turd which is produced after living on crisps, coke and chocolate bars for several days. Its a hideous, grey and sometimes hairy turd which smells so bad it can cause buildings to be evacuated for months.
I've been living off the vending machine at work for a week. I think I'll soon be dropping a Briggsy jobbie.
by Colin Cummerbund September 21, 2006
mugGet the Briggsy jobbiemug.

Briggsymunting

The act of trawling arty pubs for munters. The artist will chat up the munter then take her back to his place for deviant sex. In most cases the munter weighs well over 250 pounds.
What are you up to tonight, art boy?

Me? I'm off to Pastel for some Briggsymunting.
by Colin Cummerbund September 20, 2006
mugGet the Briggsymuntingmug.

Briggsy Prize

An art prize for artists too obscure and ludicrous for even the Turner Prize. Entrants for the Briggsy Prize have included a lamb chop stuffed inside a small child's mitten, the word "talent" written on an Etch-a-sketch and a Christmas card torn in half next to a copy of the Scunthorpe Yellow Pages.
Art critic: What piece are you currently working on?

Artist: I've got a polystyrene box which I've painted purple and filled with baked apples. It represents the pain and despair of missing a phone call when you're in the shower.

Art critic: Should make the shortlist for the Briggsy Prize.
by Colin Cummerbund December 14, 2006
mugGet the Briggsy Prizemug.

Briggsy Ploughman's

A hearty meal served in gay bars. Usually consists of a lump of mature nob cheese with arse pickle, thickly-sliced bread and pork pie with semen relish. Regional variations can include a rats-cock side dish with diarrhoea drizzle.
Come on Quentin, let's go to The Pink Dildo for a Briggsy Ploughman's. I'm bloody starving after that rimming session.
by Colin Cummerbund September 18, 2006
mugGet the Briggsy Ploughman'smug.

Feldman frotteurism

A specialised form of frotteurism which is performed in art galleries during a busy exhibition. The Feldman frotteur will then scrape his secretions from his y-fronts and add them to his paints. Usually done by aging yellow-haired ex-hippies.
So why were you put on the sex offenders' register?

I was caught committing Feldman frotteurism.
by Colin Cummerbund September 21, 2006
mugGet the Feldman frotteurismmug.

Non-regulation head-shape

A head-type sported by many civil servants, particularly Natural England employees.
Who's that?

That's Fenton, the new boss.

But he's got a non-regulation head-shape.

Haven't they all?
by Colin Cummerbund September 20, 2006
mugGet the Non-regulation head-shapemug.

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