colin cummerbund's definitions

Briggsy jobbie

The turd which is produced after living on crisps, coke and chocolate bars for several days. Its a hideous, grey and sometimes hairy turd which smells so bad it can cause buildings to be evacuated for months.

I've been living off the vending machine at work for a week. I think I'll soon be dropping a Briggsy jobbie.

by Colin Cummerbund September 21, 2006

Briggsymunting

The act of trawling arty pubs for munters. The artist will chat up the munter then take her back to his place for deviant sex. In most cases the munter weighs well over 250 pounds.

What are you up to tonight, art boy?

Me? I'm off to Pastel for some Briggsymunting.

by Colin Cummerbund September 20, 2006

Double Briggsy

A homosexual act in which two men stand facing each other and roll the same rubber onto both erect cocks. They then violently agitate the rubber-encased twin saveloy until both queens have emptied their sacks. Named after Briggsy, the famous art guy and co-author of The Joy of Gay Sex.

Faggot: My hobbies are painting,ironing and doing the Double Briggsy.

by Colin Cummerbund September 14, 2006

Briggsy dogging

A variety of dogging popular in arty circles. Instead of using cars the homosexual participants arrive on penny-farthings and bugger each other senseless.

Oi queer boy. Why the big bike.

Oh, I'm off for a bit of Briggsy dogging in Clumber Park.

by Colin Cummerbund September 21, 2006

Doing a Searby

Going to the pub during your work lunch-break and consuming a meat pie and at least four pints of beer. The effect is doubled if the person doing a Searby has grey curly hair.

Oi, Dave. Are you going to the canteen for lunch?

No, I'm doing a Searby.

by Colin Cummerbund September 21, 2006

Briggsy spanking

A variety of spanking indulged in by arty types. The spankee coats his arse with oil paints of many colours and bends over a sculpture of Shakespeare. The spanker then larrups the spankees paint-smeared buttocks with a palette or rolled-up canvas. The gleeful yelpings of the spankees are often recorded and sold in art shops as "Sounds to inspire you".

That fellow with the easel has quite a limp. Aubrey.

Yes. I think you'll find he's been the spankee in some Briggsy spanking.

by Colin Cummerbund September 21, 2006

Non-regulation head-shape

A head-type sported by many civil servants, particularly Natural England employees.

Who's that?

That's Fenton, the new boss.

But he's got a non-regulation head-shape.

Haven't they all?

by Colin Cummerbund September 20, 2006