15 definitions by clairem

Top Definition
Surgically altered, squeaky-voiced middle-aged tramp masquerading as a perfect mom/music mogul.
"oh, my life is soooooo bad. I'm sharon osbourne and I'm super-rich and have a gorgeous house that my dogs have shat all up and my husband can't walk/talk/see/piss straight. My daughter's in/out rehab and my son's the same and my boob job was too big 'cos I can't see my feet.....of course I'll accept the Mum of the Year award, gotta keep the bank topped up after all..."
by clairem May 04, 2007

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One-time actress from sex and the city.
Sarah Jessica Parker recently won an award and she thanked everyone including family, friends and her lawyer(?) before bursting into floods of tears, boo-hoo. She has a horse face, which would be ok (on a horse), but then there is the mole, big, juicy, throbbing and sweaty, it isn't attached to her - she is attached to IT........
by clairem May 30, 2007

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Immaculately gay.
He likes to live la vida loca
while he plays with his poker
watch him being so totally gay
with his mincing walk and his hip-sway
given the chance he'd like to be in drag
but he looks like a smartly dressed fag
so come on Ricky Martin, the boys say you're hot
shake yo booty and show 'em what you've got.....

by clairem May 12, 2007

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Breakfast cereal with some side-effects. Manufactured by Bush-Lovers United Food Federation (BLUFF) this product enables the eater to talk crap, backtrack, and look desperate at every opportunity. WARNING: eating this cereal will seriously alter the positioning of your front teeth....permanently.
Once upon a time there was a little girl called Condoleeza. Her mom got her some Condoleeza Rice Krispies and she ate 'em all up. Then she morphed into a suit-wearing, buck-toothed Bush-gimp who has now become happy to be a Presidential puppet with Dubya twitching her strings. My, betcha moms proud of you now Condo!!!!
by clairem April 02, 2007

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Talentless former Spice Bint (Piss) who resembles a toothpick with an OVER-inflated chest. Now desperately clinging on to anything/anybody that will keep her in the news, she has decided to grace America with her pouting presence. Married to the equally dim-but-loaded David Beckham.
"David, I need to lose weight because my shadow's looking a bit fat"
"What, Victoria Beckham's developed a shadow, get your coat we need to get you to the hospital"
"But why"
"I'm not being seen with a tubby wife, there's only one thing left to make you lose weight"
"What's that David"?
"Amputation"
by clairem April 02, 2007

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Food stains from your last meal.
Dinner medals come in different shapes, sizes and textures, and you can also scratch-n-sniff them.
by clairem April 15, 2007

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An oxymoron (phrase that describes something that doesn't actually exist)
When was the last time you saw ANY evidence of US intelligence - George Bush, Britney Spears, Monica Lewinsky? I rest my case.
by clairem April 15, 2007

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