chris ord's definitions

knocking shop mattress

An effect of male pattern baldness,whereby the unfortunate male decides not to do the decent thing ie get the clippers out and grows the floundering folicles hoping to conceal the onset of nature by creative combing,suceeding only in an elaborate , threadbare shaping with a shiney(often sunburnt)beacon of scalp shining through for all to see.Resembling the aformentioned sex workers overused mattress.See Robin Gibb,Footballer Kenny Cunningham etc

See that Alan Shearer on Match of the Day,he's got a head like a knocking shop mattress,though his muscular pressence up front,will be sorely missed by Newcastle this season.

by chris ord August 31, 2006

swamp sock

A stray sock often found beneath the bed of a teenage boy with a strangely stiffened texture used primarily as a recepticle for masturbatory ejaculate . Use has possibly increased due to current concerns for the environment as the item is reusable unlike tissues .

Mum - Johnny , I must try another brand of fabric condition as I had to boil wash the sock i found under your bed as it was so stiff !

Johnny - ...Erm...gumph!...swamp sock

by chris ord June 27, 2010

stott on

Errection,Hard on North East Colloquial

I cant sit down ,Ive got a right stott on

by Chris Ord August 31, 2006

what fettle

A greeting , mainly used by older members of the community in North East Mining communities,latterly bastardised by younger members of the community to signify the achievement of the physical act of love,when such topics are discussed in a public house etc.

"I told her to get up stairs , pull her nighty up,and I gave her What Fettle"

by Chris Ord August 31, 2006

hingers

Womens tits,refers mainly to the large English pendular variety,rather than the smaller pert European type.

Your Mother has a massive pair of Hingers

by chris ord August 31, 2006

binjacking

The art of disposing of your refuse in a bin belonging to another individual

Did you put that bag of dog poop I collected off the lawn in the bin ?

No , I binjacked next doors bin to hide our shame

Oh no , binjacking again

by Chris ord March 12, 2015

teddy bears arm

A large lump of excrement,possibly left in the pot overnight,giving it a furry appearence around the edges

i went to perform my morning ablutions and imagine my surprise when i discovered someone had left ateddy bears arm in my toilet.

by Chris Ord August 31, 2006