11 definitions by chris ord

Top Definition
To produce solid waste,often used to amuse workmates,or as an excuse when you are going for a number 3.
Out the way lads,Im going to strech my hoop and lay some cable
by chris ord August 31, 2006
A large lump of excrement,possibly left in the pot overnight,giving it a furry appearence around the edges
i went to perform my morning ablutions and imagine my surprise when i discovered someone had left ateddy bears arm in my toilet.
by Chris Ord August 31, 2006
Errection,Hard on North East Colloquial
I cant sit down ,Ive got a right stott on
by Chris Ord August 31, 2006
A gentlemens interest magazine containing pictures of "Ladies who never say no" also features on classic cars and premium rate phone lines.
whilst walking the dog , I discovered a fantastic stash of dicarded wrist manuals , who says flytipping is all bad.
by Chris Ord August 31, 2006
A stray sock often found beneath the bed of a teenage boy with a strangely stiffened texture used primarily as a recepticle for masturbatory ejaculate . Use has possibly increased due to current concerns for the environment as the item is reusable unlike tissues .
Mum - Johnny , I must try another brand of fabric condition as I had to boil wash the sock i found under your bed as it was so stiff !

Johnny - ...Erm...gumph!...swamp sock
by chris ord June 24, 2010
Womens tits,refers mainly to the large English pendular variety,rather than the smaller pert European type.
Your Mother has a massive pair of Hingers
by chris ord August 31, 2006
An effect of male pattern baldness,whereby the unfortunate male decides not to do the decent thing ie get the clippers out and grows the floundering folicles hoping to conceal the onset of nature by creative combing,suceeding only in an elaborate , threadbare shaping with a shiney(often sunburnt)beacon of scalp shining through for all to see.Resembling the aformentioned sex workers overused mattress.See Robin Gibb,Footballer Kenny Cunningham etc
See that Alan Shearer on Match of the Day,he's got a head like a knocking shop mattress,though his muscular pressence up front,will be sorely missed by Newcastle this season.
by chris ord August 31, 2006

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