captmurk's definitions

Chard

A better abbreviation for 'Richard'

Dave: "Hey Chard, how you been?"
Chard: "My name is Richard, but you can call me Rich, Rick, Ricky, or Dick"
Dave: "No, your name is Chard"

by captmurk August 22, 2014

Ghouly Wand

When you stick your finger in your butthole and fish hook someone.

There are two types of people in the world: those who give wet willies, and those who give ghouly wands.

by captmurk May 25, 2018

Highdeology

The obscure philosophies and theories that stoners formulate whilst baked.

Dude: "Hey man, have you ever noticed the similarities between nachos and religion?"

Bro: "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Dude: "Layers, man. It's all about the layers..."

Bro: "Yeah, I'm not nearly baked enough to grasp the full depth of this highdeology."

by captmurk January 17, 2014

Viper

2 in the pink and 2 in the stink. More advanced version of the shocker.

The shocker is overrated. You gotta hit em with the viper.

by captmurk May 13, 2018

Speed Screen

Using another speeding car to mask your speeding, thereby avoiding radar detection. A speed screen can be executed by falling in behind another speeding car on the freeway while driving only slightly slower than them. The idea is that the potential highway patrol officer, a mile up the road, will tag his/her car first with his radar gun, allowing you enough time to slow down and slip by unnoticed.

A speed screen expert will also be observant of the leading car's braking habits. If he/she randomly hits their brakes, it's likely that they've spotted an officer up the road. Their brake lights act as a potential police warning system.

The ideal speed screen is one in which you are sandwiched between two speeding cars, one in front, one in back. The rear car will screen you from flanking police cruisers.

Example 1:
Wife: Can you drive faster, we're late.
Husband: I don't want to get a ticket.
Wife: Just use a speed screen you pussy.

Example 2:
Driver: Dude, this guy coming up behind me is flying.
Passenger: That's a perfect speed screen, get behind him and step on it.

by captmurk November 14, 2013

Ghouly Wand

When you stick your finger in your butthole and fish hook someone.

There are two types of people in this world: Those who give wet willies , and those who give ghouly wands.

by captmurk May 11, 2018

Ballzheimers

The outrageous and perverted sense of courage old men acquire upon realize how little they have to lose. Those diagnosed with ballzheimers can be commonly spotted groping young women in line at stores, or shouting out absurd rants at strangers.

Old guy shouts across the geriatric ward: "Hey, Betty! Bring that fine ass over here and twerk it for me girl!"
Nurse: "Look, Harvey, your ballzheimers is getting way out of hand. Just sit back, be quiet, and finish your Tapioca."

by captmurk December 26, 2013