Definitions by captmurk
Highdeology
Dude: "Hey man, have you ever noticed the similarities between nachos and religion?"
Bro: "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Dude: "Layers, man. It's all about the layers..."
Bro: "Yeah, I'm not nearly baked enough to grasp the full depth of this highdeology."
Bro: "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Dude: "Layers, man. It's all about the layers..."
Bro: "Yeah, I'm not nearly baked enough to grasp the full depth of this highdeology."
Highdeology by captmurk January 17, 2014
Ballzheimers
The outrageous and perverted sense of courage old men acquire upon realize how little they have to lose. Those diagnosed with ballzheimers can be commonly spotted groping young women in line at stores, or shouting out absurd rants at strangers.
Old guy shouts across the geriatric ward: "Hey, Betty! Bring that fine ass over here and twerk it for me girl!"
Nurse: "Look, Harvey, your ballzheimers is getting way out of hand. Just sit back, be quiet, and finish your Tapioca."
Nurse: "Look, Harvey, your ballzheimers is getting way out of hand. Just sit back, be quiet, and finish your Tapioca."
Ballzheimers by captmurk December 26, 2013
Wishlist Giving
Wife: Merry Christmas, honey. Here you go.
Husband: Thanks, babe. I wonder what it could....WTF? A heated toilet seat?!?!
Wife: I know right! Hurry up and install it!
Husband: That's just great. Wishlist giving twat.
Husband: Thanks, babe. I wonder what it could....WTF? A heated toilet seat?!?!
Wife: I know right! Hurry up and install it!
Husband: That's just great. Wishlist giving twat.
Wishlist Giving by captmurk December 9, 2013
Sarah Palin
The surprisingly attractive and fairly successful female governor of Alaska. She belongs to the Republican party. Unlike the party of all these "tolerant" liberals who are demonizing her on this website for being Christian and considering fiscal responsibility, and energy independence a priority.
Liberal 1: I belong to the party of acceptance that respects all people for who they are and what they believe. But Sarah Palin is a stupid cunt of a whore who has the mind of a Neanderthal because she embraces Christian values and enjoys the outdoors and hunting.
Liberal 2: Yeah, tell me about it. Those Republicans are nothing but evil, rich, white Nazi bastards who just want to murder gays and starve our children. I'm so thankful that I belong to the Party of Tolerance that never participates in prejudice or bigotry.
Liberal 2: Yeah, tell me about it. Those Republicans are nothing but evil, rich, white Nazi bastards who just want to murder gays and starve our children. I'm so thankful that I belong to the Party of Tolerance that never participates in prejudice or bigotry.
Sarah Palin by captmurk December 3, 2013
Altarbaiting
When a woman goes out of her way to please her man while dating, only to abandon these things entirely once married.
Friend 1: "Dude, I think I'm in love with this girl. She deepthroats, cooks for me every night, and cleaned my entire apartment this weekend."
Friend 2: "Sounds like a classic case of altarbaiting to me. Careful, bro.
Friend 2: "Sounds like a classic case of altarbaiting to me. Careful, bro.
Altarbaiting by captmurk November 21, 2013
Speed Screen
Using another speeding car to mask your speeding, thereby avoiding radar detection. A speed screen can be executed by falling in behind another speeding car on the freeway while driving only slightly slower than them. The idea is that the potential highway patrol officer, a mile up the road, will tag his/her car first with his radar gun, allowing you enough time to slow down and slip by unnoticed.
A speed screen expert will also be observant of the leading car's braking habits. If he/she randomly hits their brakes, it's likely that they've spotted an officer up the road. Their brake lights act as a potential police warning system.
The ideal speed screen is one in which you are sandwiched between two speeding cars, one in front, one in back. The rear car will screen you from flanking police cruisers.
A speed screen expert will also be observant of the leading car's braking habits. If he/she randomly hits their brakes, it's likely that they've spotted an officer up the road. Their brake lights act as a potential police warning system.
The ideal speed screen is one in which you are sandwiched between two speeding cars, one in front, one in back. The rear car will screen you from flanking police cruisers.
Example 1:
Wife: Can you drive faster, we're late.
Husband: I don't want to get a ticket.
Wife: Just use a speed screen you pussy.
Example 2:
Driver: Dude, this guy coming up behind me is flying.
Passenger: That's a perfect speed screen, get behind him and step on it.
Wife: Can you drive faster, we're late.
Husband: I don't want to get a ticket.
Wife: Just use a speed screen you pussy.
Example 2:
Driver: Dude, this guy coming up behind me is flying.
Passenger: That's a perfect speed screen, get behind him and step on it.
Speed Screen by captmurk November 14, 2013
Blanched
To be completely belligerent or inebriated as a result of consuming too much alcohol. This word is used to describe drunkenness for two reasons. 1) The word itself just sounds like it means shit faced. 2) The actual meaning of the word defines a cooking method in which food is dunked in hot, then cold water to loosen the skin. The metaphor being, saturating something in liquid unit it changes.
Party Animal 1: I am so hungover I can hear colors.
Party Animal 2: Yeah, dude. We got fucking blanched last night.
Party Animal 2: Yeah, dude. We got fucking blanched last night.