captmurk's definitions

Urban Dic Voter

The d-bags who only approve words that either validate their political beliefs, or words that are so well known and bland they serve no purpose on this website what-so-ever. Words like Easter Bunny, Movie Theater, I fucking love you, Year, etc. Furthermore, they decline words that are too awesome for their fucktard minds to grasp. Words like, Goose Cheese - the female equivalent of duck butter. If YOU are that type of voter, shame on you.

Knowing my luck, I'll probably draw an Urban Dic Voter... and this awesome definition will vanish into the abyss.

by captmurk June 21, 2015

Wishlist Giving

Giving a gift to someone that is really a gift to yourself.

Wife: Merry Christmas, honey. Here you go.
Husband: Thanks, babe. I wonder what it could....WTF? A heated toilet seat?!?!
Wife: I know right! Hurry up and install it!
Husband: That's just great. Wishlist giving twat.

by captmurk December 9, 2013

Ghouly Wand

When you stick your finger in your butthole and fish hook someone.

There are two types of people in the world: those who give wet willies, and those who give ghouly wands.

by captmurk May 25, 2018

Majority Privilege

What white privilege should actually be called. Could also be referred to as common sense. Describes the naturally occurring phenomenon in which being apart of the majority has at least some measurable advantage. Applies to any majority group, anywhere, at any point in time. Whites have an advantage in North America and Europe in a similar way that Asians have an advantage in China, Hispanics have an advantage in Columbia, Muslims have an advantage in Iran, Jews have an advantage in Israel, conservatives have an advantage in Birmingham, liberals have an advantage in Portland, etc.

My majority privilege seemed to evaporate the moment I landed in Liberia.

by captmurk July 23, 2018

Chard

A better abbreviation for 'Richard'

Dave: "Hey Chard, how you been?"
Chard: "My name is Richard, but you can call me Rich, Rick, Ricky, or Dick"
Dave: "No, your name is Chard"

by captmurk August 22, 2014

Altarbaiting

When a woman goes out of her way to please her man while dating, only to abandon these things entirely once married.

Friend 1: "Dude, I think I'm in love with this girl. She deepthroats, cooks for me every night, and cleaned my entire apartment this weekend."
Friend 2: "Sounds like a classic case of altarbaiting to me. Careful, bro.

by captmurk November 21, 2013

Sarah Palin

The surprisingly attractive and fairly successful female governor of Alaska. She belongs to the Republican party. Unlike the party of all these "tolerant" liberals who are demonizing her on this website for being Christian and considering fiscal responsibility, and energy independence a priority.

Liberal 1: I belong to the party of acceptance that respects all people for who they are and what they believe. But Sarah Palin is a stupid cunt of a whore who has the mind of a Neanderthal because she embraces Christian values and enjoys the outdoors and hunting.

Liberal 2: Yeah, tell me about it. Those Republicans are nothing but evil, rich, white Nazi bastards who just want to murder gays and starve our children. I'm so thankful that I belong to the Party of Tolerance that never participates in prejudice or bigotry.

by captmurk December 3, 2013