captmurk's definitions

Blanched

To be completely belligerent or inebriated as a result of consuming too much alcohol. This word is used to describe drunkenness for two reasons. 1) The word itself just sounds like it means shit faced. 2) The actual meaning of the word defines a cooking method in which food is dunked in hot, then cold water to loosen the skin. The metaphor being, saturating something in liquid unit it changes.

Party Animal 1: I am so hungover I can hear colors.

Party Animal 2: Yeah, dude. We got fucking blanched last night.

by captmurk November 13, 2013

Goose Cheese

The female version of duck butter.

Guy: We ain't having sex right now. I haven't showered once on this camping trip.
Girl: Don't worry about it, my goose cheese will even the score.

by captmurk June 22, 2015

Chard

A better abbreviation for 'Richard'

Dave: "Hey Chard, how you been?"
Chard: "My name is Richard, but you can call me Rich, Rick, Ricky, or Dick"
Dave: "No, your name is Chard"

by captmurk August 22, 2014

Majority Privilege

What white privilege should actually be called. Could also be referred to as common sense. Describes the naturally occurring phenomenon in which being apart of the majority has at least some measurable advantage. Applies to any majority group, anywhere, at any point in time. Whites have an advantage in North America and Europe in a similar way that Asians have an advantage in China, Hispanics have an advantage in Columbia, Muslims have an advantage in Iran, Jews have an advantage in Israel, conservatives have an advantage in Birmingham, liberals have an advantage in Portland, etc.

My majority privilege seemed to evaporate the moment I landed in Liberia.

by captmurk July 23, 2018

Ghouly Wand

When you stick your finger in your butthole and fish hook someone.

There are two types of people in the world: those who give wet willies, and those who give ghouly wands.

by captmurk May 25, 2018

Ballzheimers

The outrageous and perverted sense of courage old men acquire upon realize how little they have to lose. Those diagnosed with ballzheimers can be commonly spotted groping young women in line at stores, or shouting out absurd rants at strangers.

Old guy shouts across the geriatric ward: "Hey, Betty! Bring that fine ass over here and twerk it for me girl!"
Nurse: "Look, Harvey, your ballzheimers is getting way out of hand. Just sit back, be quiet, and finish your Tapioca."

by captmurk December 26, 2013

Wishlist Giving

Giving a gift to someone that is really a gift to yourself.

Wife: Merry Christmas, honey. Here you go.
Husband: Thanks, babe. I wonder what it could....WTF? A heated toilet seat?!?!
Wife: I know right! Hurry up and install it!
Husband: That's just great. Wishlist giving twat.

by captmurk December 9, 2013