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9 definitions by captmurk

To be completely belligerent or inebriated as a result of consuming too much alcohol. This word is used to describe drunkenness for two reasons. 1) The word itself just sounds like it means shit faced. 2) The actual meaning of the word defines a cooking method in which food is dunked in hot, then cold water to loosen the skin. The metaphor being, saturating something in liquid unit it changes.
Party Animal 1: I am so hungover I can hear colors.

Party Animal 2: Yeah, dude. We got fucking blanched last night.
by captmurk November 13, 2013
When a woman goes out of her way to please her man while dating, only to abandon these things entirely once married.
Friend 1: "Dude, I think I'm in love with this girl. She deepthroats, cooks for me every night, and cleaned my entire apartment this weekend."
Friend 2: "Sounds like a classic case of altarbaiting to me. Careful, bro.
by captmurk November 21, 2013
A person, usually male, who drives a mini van with anger and recklessness. It is a reflection of a person's aggravation with what their life has become. These people likely hate the fact that they had way more kids than they intended, and the pressure of accommodating these high maintenance brats, in combination with having to drive such an embarrassing vehicle, has reached a boiling point. They can be commonly spotted doing 90mph on the freeway swerving in and out of lanes cursing to themselves.
Bystander 1: Wow, did you see that guy?!?! He almost killed two pedestrians and a dog while blowing that stop sign.

Bystander 2: Yeah, classic mini van rage. He's probably late to a parent/teacher meeting.
by captmurk November 13, 2013
Giving a gift to someone that is really a gift to yourself.
Wife: Merry Christmas, honey. Here you go.
Husband: Thanks, babe. I wonder what it could....WTF? A heated toilet seat?!?!
Wife: I know right! Hurry up and install it!
Husband: That's just great. Wishlist giving twat.
by captmurk December 09, 2013
Using another speeding car to mask your speeding, thereby avoiding radar detection. A speed screen can be executed by falling in behind another speeding car on the freeway while driving only slightly slower than them. The idea is that the potential highway patrol officer, a mile up the road, will tag his/her car first with his radar gun, allowing you enough time to slow down and slip by unnoticed.

A speed screen expert will also be observant of the leading car's braking habits. If he/she randomly hits their brakes, it's likely that they've spotted an officer up the road. Their brake lights act as a potential police warning system.

The ideal speed screen is one in which you are sandwiched between two speeding cars, one in front, one in back. The rear car will screen you from flanking police cruisers.
Example 1:
Wife: Can you drive faster, we're late.
Husband: I don't want to get a ticket.
Wife: Just use a speed screen you pussy.

Example 2:
Driver: Dude, this guy coming up behind me is flying.
Passenger: That's a perfect speed screen, get behind him and step on it.
by captmurk November 14, 2013
The obscure philosophies and theories that stoners formulate whilst baked.
Dude: "Hey man, have you ever noticed the similarities between nachos and religion?"

Bro: "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Dude: "Layers, man. It's all about the layers..."

Bro: "Yeah, I'm not nearly baked enough to grasp the full depth of this highdeology."
by captmurk January 17, 2014
The outrageous and perverted sense of courage old men acquire upon realize how little they have to lose. Those diagnosed with ballzheimers can be commonly spotted groping young women in line at stores, or shouting out absurd rants at strangers.
Old guy shouts across the geriatric ward: "Hey, Betty! Bring that fine ass over here and twerk it for me girl!"
Nurse: "Look, Harvey, your ballzheimers is getting way out of hand. Just sit back, be quiet, and finish your Tapioca."
by captmurk December 26, 2013