Traditional hairpiece worn by women to keep their hair out of their face. Common characteristics of a don't-touch-me-scrunchie are when it's worn; ridiculously tight pulled back hair, a pissed-off look on the womans face and a walk that would plow anybody over if they got in her way.
Chris- "I saw your ex walking out of the bank the other day."
John- "Oh yeah? How did she look??"
Chris- "She was wearing sunglasses, an angry look on her face and her hair was pulled back really tight in a don't-touch-me-scrunchie."
A team which consists of ugly women who compete against teams of other ugly women in the sport of shovel fighting. Ugly facial features, missing teeth, facial hair, a manly voice as well as other manly features are common physical traits of shovel-fighters.
Chris- "Man, I met this girl on one of those online dating sites and she looked nothing like her pictures."
John- "Was she really ugly??"
Chris- "Dude, she looked like she was captain of the Russian shovel fighting team!"
Instead of pitching a tent for temporary shelter, "pitching a windshield" refers to sleeping in your vehicle.
Chris- "I was too drunk to drive home from the bar last night, so I had to pitch a windshield in the parking lot."