12 definitions by albert woods

Top Definition
An insatiable cum-guzzling nympho who, not satisfied with a generous mouthful, dives under the blankets foraging for any stray jism blobs (sometimes next morning).
Peregrine: 'I'm worried about our sex life. Lady Isobel keeps disappearing under the bedclothes.'

Quentain: 'Don't be. She's probably a blanket crawler.'
by Albert Woods September 13, 2007
Excessively fat jowels that hang from the face and meet under the chin in a cleavage reminiscent of a huge arse.
'My 28 stone wife has enormous chuttocks. If it wasn't for her endless talking, I'd never know which end is which.'
by Albert Woods October 01, 2007
Noun and Verb.

N: A shuftee - sexual deviant (of either sex) who gains gratification from sniffing recently-used ladies bicycle saddles in hot weather.

Vb: To shuftee - To place the flared nostrils on the horn of a freshly-used ladies bicycle saddle on a sweltering hot day, inhale deeply through the nose and collapse in a miasma of orgasmic delight.
'Just look at him coming all over her rear mudguard: the filthy shuftee'

'How dare you shuftee my Raleigh Superior!'
'Is it yours, Miss Widdecombe? Oh God - I thought it belonged to Miss Lumley.'

by Albert Woods September 20, 2007
Pronounced like onion with 'Gr' in front, and usually in the plural.

Singular: - A left (or right) sailor's testicle that has been grossly inflated by a true 'blow' job in some stinking back-street Asian or Arab port during shore leave.

Plural - (Gronions) The worst scenario. Both balls about to explode through over-inflation, usually brought about by the aforesaid vicious fellatio, but with the added intervention of the house madam sticking a finger up the rectum at the same time.
Ship's Doctor:

'You seem to have a severe case of the Gronions'.


'Is there any cure?'

Ship's Doctor:

'No; but if you're willing, I suggest you donate one to Arsenal and the other to Man. U.'
by Albert Woods September 08, 2007
1: A term people use when they mean the exact opposite.

2: The perfect get-out in tricky conversations.
'Where, on earth, did you manage to find naturally produced meat balls, Fiona?'

'In Sainsburys.'

'I assume you've remembered me in your will?'

by Albert Woods September 08, 2007
Adjective with variable, or no, meaning; used to flummox one's superiors and betters who will not admit to their total ignorance of the word.
In Business:-

'What do you think of the latest sales figures, Braithwaite?

'Well sir, they could be better; but they're quite snepprotical aren't they.'

or Socially:-

'A round of golf tomorrow, Smithers?"

'I'm afraid not Lord Duff. My wife's holding a snepprotical coffee morning.'
by Albert Woods September 07, 2007
1: Some women's irritating habit of regulary shouting out: 'Wolf! Wolf!'

2: A wolf that has just missed out on its lunch of Red Riding Hood and has tears in its eyes.
Man: 'Stop crying Wolf! Wolf!'

Woman: 'I'm not, you tosser. It's Fido going Woof! Woof!'

Man: 'I hate false alarms. Get him some eloquotion lessons.'
by Albert Woods September 08, 2007

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