Yopmail User's definitions

Sesame Street

While dressed up as Elmo, you slice someone's dick off while the both of you are masturbating and carry the severed dick to a preschool. Make sure you have a woman with you. In the preschool, you enter a classroom, interview the youngest child, and ask them vaguely sexual questions while keeping the severed dick a secret. When the child least expects it, you strip the woman naked, shove the severed dick in the woman's mouth in front of the child (and everyone else, for that matter), and use the blood from the severed penis to draw a dick on her boobs. You must then throw the severed dick in the teacher's mouth, assume control of her laptop, and play snuff films on the smartboard.

This definition of Sesame Street was sponsored by the letter D!

by Yopmail User August 14, 2022

Diet Coke and Mentos

Something half of my definitions involve. See also sex.

The next time you enter a McDonald's restaurant, snatch a kid from his parents, take him to the kitchen, and shove some Diet Coke and Mentos up his ass!

by Yopmail User October 21, 2022

Printing Press

This sex act requires that you abduct three little girls and strip them naked in your basement. You must then break their knees with a sledgehammer, toss the girls aside, create a mixture of laxatives and your bodily fluids (especially cum and vomit), and let it blend for ten minutes. During these ten minutes, you are to stand a few meters from your desired girl, charge towards her, ram your cock (you can use a spiked dildo, albeit not necessary) up her ass (cunts and mouths are acceptable), and repeat for each girl until the blending finishes. Feed one of the girls your concoction and, with a staple gun, connect the girls' mouths to each other's asses so that they form an endless human centipede. After some time, collect some of their shit and use it to spell out a phrase of your choice. Smear the shit on their faces afterwards and beat off on their backs and faces.

Vomit on a printing press for bonus points.

by Yopmail User August 27, 2023

Quizizz

Kahoot for poor people.

If nobody gives Quizizz Inc. a lecture on plagiarism, I'll do it myself!

by Yopmail User November 13, 2022

The Emoji Movie

If you, by some miracle, are actually thinking of watching this school shooting of a "movie," please dial the Suicide Hotline: [phone]. Watching it is, to say the least, an incredibly painful way to fucking die. And to those of you who have watched it, I wish you'd known how much you'd be missed before then.

The Emoji Movie makes the Holocaust look fucking hilarious.

by Yopmail User April 10, 2023

Custer's Revenge

A fun, wholesome Atari 2600 game for the whole family. Developed by Mystique in 1982, you control General George Armstrong Custer and dodge a bunch of arrows to score with a Native American woman. If you want to see what your friends do all the time, this is the game for you.

It's time for Custer's Revenge. You're the native. Enjoy penetration.

by Yopmail User November 23, 2022

Tomino's Hell

A Japanese poem centered around the titular character, his anguish, and his "journey" in Hell. Retards say that if you read the poem out loud, "tRaGiC tHiNgS wIlL hApPeN!!1!1!1!!" Bullshit! I never knew saying a bunch of words out loud could give you cancer. Why the fuck is Tomino in hell in the first place? Did he read this very poem out loud? I don't know and I don't care.

Tomino's Hell
By Saijo Yaso

His older sister vomited cum, his younger sister vomited condoms,
And the cute Tomino ejaculated used dildos.
Tomino jacked off in Hell alone,
Hell is wrapped in penises and even the boners don't grow.

Is the person being raped Tomino's older sister,
I wonder whose cum is on it?
Fap, fap, without fapping,
Infinite Hell's big dick.

Would you rape him in the dark Hell,
With the sheep of cum, and the kid diddler.
Stuff as much as you can into his ballsack,
For the preparation of your sex life in the familiar Hell.

Kids are cumming even in the forest and stream,
Even in the seven cum-filled streams of the dark Hell.
The kid diddler raping children, the sheep banging prostitutes,

Cum from the dick of the cute Tomino.

Moan, kid diddler, towards the cum-filled forest
He shouts that he wants to rape his little sister.
The inglorious orgasm reverberates throughout Hell,
The fox penoy cums.

Jizzing all over Hell's seven mountains and seven streams,
The glorious sex life of cute Tomino.
If they're in Hell, fuck them for me,

The fleshlight of the graves.

I will fap with the red fleshlight,

In the mouth of little Tomino.

by Yopmail User July 26, 2022