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29 definitions by Tuftskins

 
1.
A process by which Mainstream Media addresses an issue incessantly, building up to a sense of pending doom. Of course, the problem, while worrisome, does not pose the grave threat they would like you to believe. Finally, MSM abandons coverage of the problem completely, moving on to another problem.
"Honey, why don't we hear any news about the drug cartels anymore?"

"That was last month's problem saturation, dear."
by Tuftskins April 30, 2009
4970 1147
 
2.
A lazy, paper-shuffling government worker. Bureaucrap's main duty is spending all money they are allotted by any means necessary, then asking for more the next fiscal year. Bureaucraps perpetuate the problems they are assigned to solve, as this is job security.
Upon realizing there was still $200,000 in the department's budget, bureaucrap Dan successfully arranged five seminars dealing with "Diversity in a Mid-Level Management Paradigm."
by Tuftskins April 29, 2009
65 9
 
3.
A black spider. Not a Black Widow, since those are easily defined. Just one of those anonymous black spiders that probably have names, but only a professor who studies spiders would know them.
Lou: "Check out that nigger spider climbing the wall."

Skyler: "Ewwww! Get rid of it."
by Tuftskins June 01, 2009
33 6
 
4.
Someone who leaves a turd behind in a toilet, usually public. Usually, this "gift" is well wrapped with toilet paper and so large that the toilet cannot be flushed safely.

Like Santa Claus, Shit Santa is legendary and never seen. Unlike Santa Claus, Shit Santa operates 365 days a year, and no one looks forward to his visits.
Don't use that toilet, dude. Shit Santa left a real nasty one.
by Tuftskins April 30, 2009
16 3
 
5.
A public restroom phenomenon in which the turd dumper needs complete privacy in order to do their thing. The presence of another person in the adjacent stall, or even the restroom, will cause sphincters to pucker to less than a 1 cm.

This is especially true if the turd dumper knows he/she is going to have an embarrassing explosive turd, complete with lots of gas and splashing sounds.

Two persons with turd insecurity in adjacent stalls results in a very uncomfortable , time consuming experience for both. A solution is to flush the toilet in sync with dumping the turd, hopefully masking the dump.
His sphincter tight with turd insecurity, Steve hoped the person in the next stall would leave. In the next stall, Mark harbored the same hopes.
by Tuftskins April 30, 2009
11 2
 
6.
1) A hot chick. Very similar to eye candy, the terms can be interchangeable. But if a girl is penis candy, guys want to do more than just look at her.

2) A girl capable of causing an instant erection.

3) Viagra or similar pills.
"Check out Megan, she's sooo hot!"

"Yeah, she's penis candy."

"Viagra is penis candy."

"Don't need no Viagra. Just watching her walk puts a rise in my Levis."
by Tuftskins May 02, 2009
16 8
 
7.
A lazy, unproductive co-worker, whose lack of work ethic means you have to work that much harder to carry their load.
My co-worthless Lester called in sick again and now I'm stuck covering his graveyard shift. I hope the little weasel gets sick for real!
by tuftskins January 27, 2010
7 0