15 definitions by Steve CHUTER
The fuck-factor is the unexpected,although sometimes inevitable hitch,X factor or just the bad-luck part of for example,a plan.
The wifes'on nights,the kids are staying at grannies'.You ring your mistress, in ten minutes shes'there. Great dope, wonderful champagne unforgetable dirty, dirty,sex and my god "its half six already"..... bottles,dildoes, roaches, sperm stains..... NOTHING MUST BE FORGOTTEN!!!
Mistress out the door. Windows opened,dog-breath... done,tuna-fish willy.....ready for inspection..... THIS IS GOING TO WORK!!!!
(20 MINUTES LATER)
"Hi honey how'd work go?"
"Oh fine, but I gotta take a shower!"
"Sure babes', I'll put the coffee on".........(exit wife)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! YOU BASTARD, YOU FUCKING TWO TIMING LOW LIFE SON OF A BITCH!!!!Shit, babes what did I do????
Which brings me back to the fuck-factor.
IF YOUR MISTRESS USES A TAMPAX AND SHE DROPS ONE IN YOUR SHITTER ..... DON'T FORGET TO PULL THE CHAIN GUYS.
Mistress out the door. Windows opened,dog-breath... done,tuna-fish willy.....ready for inspection..... THIS IS GOING TO WORK!!!!
(20 MINUTES LATER)
"Hi honey how'd work go?"
"Oh fine, but I gotta take a shower!"
"Sure babes', I'll put the coffee on".........(exit wife)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! YOU BASTARD, YOU FUCKING TWO TIMING LOW LIFE SON OF A BITCH!!!!Shit, babes what did I do????
Which brings me back to the fuck-factor.
IF YOUR MISTRESS USES A TAMPAX AND SHE DROPS ONE IN YOUR SHITTER ..... DON'T FORGET TO PULL THE CHAIN GUYS.
by Steve CHUTER November 7, 2006
Skinnier than a Nagasaki racing snake.
by Steve CHUTER November 7, 2006
Once dressed in ones'cabbage-kit one must now cam up. Camming up is the the fiendish art of making ones self invisible to the naked eye of a would-be enemy.
This is what you do.
Smear ones face with something brown,black or green often sold in tubes and tins and found in any good hardware shop. Next, adorn ones self with bits of grass,twigs,sack-cloth and twine thus becoming a sort of dull coloured christmas tree without the fairy lights.You are now completly invisible to the naked eyes of even the wiliest Taliban and can go about many cunning military tasks without the least hassle from the curlie-wurlies you are about to liquidate.
This is what you do.
Smear ones face with something brown,black or green often sold in tubes and tins and found in any good hardware shop. Next, adorn ones self with bits of grass,twigs,sack-cloth and twine thus becoming a sort of dull coloured christmas tree without the fairy lights.You are now completly invisible to the naked eyes of even the wiliest Taliban and can go about many cunning military tasks without the least hassle from the curlie-wurlies you are about to liquidate.
Private Jones, why are you cammed up?
Oooh sir, you were'nt supposed to see me,you've spoilt everything!!
Sorry Jones I don't want to be a kill-joy but it is nearly bed-time and you have'nt even touched your hot milk....or your ginger-nuts!
Oooh sir, you were'nt supposed to see me,you've spoilt everything!!
Sorry Jones I don't want to be a kill-joy but it is nearly bed-time and you have'nt even touched your hot milk....or your ginger-nuts!
by Steve CHUTER November 28, 2006
by Steve CHUTER November 3, 2006
Army-barmy is when a squaddie is so obsessed and in love with the army and military things in general that his entire life revolves around being cammed up,ops,and generally ready to mangle,strangle,stab,shoot or shag anything or anyone, with, and possibly without, a pulse.Not just being content to keep these awe-inspiring facts to himself he will persist in droning on for hours and hours about his impressive knowledge of the martial art thus boring shitless his family,friends and neighbours.The ROYAL MARINES and the PARA-REG are famous for this affliction.
My brother became army-barmy after joining the guards,his wife once told me (after we'd being shagging one day)that even on their honey-moon he'd insist on inspecting her feet for blisters before bed and in the morning he'd wake her up with bucket of cold water and an enthousiastic "Hands off cocks, on socks!"
by Steve CHUTER November 27, 2006
Originally a chidren's TV programme(BBC late sixties) about a neanderthol type person found to be living in a cave at the bottom of some childs garden Describes a dirty,scruffy or very unkempt person.
by Steve CHUTER November 3, 2006